Words of Wisdom From Severine Neff

Today, I went to talk to a professor about my performance in her class. I had not been doing as well as I know I could have been, and because I often ended up coming to class late or turning in homework late for various reasons, I wanted to apologize. I went to her office and explained there had been some complicated things happening this semester and that she really was one of my favorite professors (I've even mentioned her in my blog before!)

She seemed surprised, and hadn't recognized any of the problems I was apologizing for; in fact she thought I was looking a lot better than the beginning of the semester when I looked exhausted and worn out every day! She said that it was clear that I understood the material and that's what she cared about most. She said things happen in life, and you just go on, it's nothing to worry about. As you get older you just get better at handling them... or not even, you just learn to handle them and life goes on. Then she said something very powerful - I'll do my best to quote: "Things in life often don't make sense... that's why we study music theory, because it can't be explained." This was so powerful to hear from someone who I think is so incredibly intelligent about music, and I just had to write about it so that it wouldn't be forgotten.

The Story of Crosasaurus Rex

Hello Hello!! Tonight I performed 'The Story of Crosasaurus Rex' for the Music 143 class. I don't have the video footage from the actual dealio ready yet, but I'll tell ya what happened: I showed videos on the screen while I sorta stood there/acted it out. There was a little story line that went along with it. Here are the three videos I used, one of which you've seen before and two are totally brand new!!

Crosasaurus Rex

I have officially adopted a persona, and that is Crosasaurus Rex. I will be performing as such on Sunday for the first time; wish me luck! Here's the lyrics to a song I wrote for the character:

Less Than Love

Crosasaurus Rex, 10/26/09

Look at those two people,

Huddled with their arms

Embracing each other.

Look at those two people.

Battling the lonely cold,

They only have their bodies

To keep them warm,

Battling the lonely cold.

++++++

Can two people truly share

Warmth against the chill,

Can two people share warmth?

When she looks at him,

What does she see?

When he looks at her,

Is all he sees only

Warmth against the chill?

+++++++

Is this love, or is it less?

Does this satisfy my hunger?

Is this love, or is it less?

Can I do this any longer?

But it’s cold and lonely

In the deep dark night,

Can I do this any longer,

Is this less than love?

+++++++

When they listen, what do they hear?

Wrapped together in music,

Together in music, what do they hear?

Melodies and harmonies,

They solo together in unison.

What will happen next?

They silently wonder aloud.

+++++++

Is this love, or is it less?

Will this quench my thirst?

Is this love, or is it less?

Do I feel better or feel worse?

But it’s so cold and lonely

In the deep dark night,

Do I feel better or feel worse?

+++++++

Is this less than love?

Two lovers sat on a park bench,

With their bodies touching.

Too old for play,

Too young to die,

Together they’ll try

To make it to heaven.

Impulse Control

I'm sitting at the Raleigh Durham Airport, waiting for my flight out to Cincinnati. I'm going to meet up with my parents and family up there for Thanksgiving (which is today). I've been rather twitchy lately it seems. My tics seem a bit stronger in trying to break to the surface. It's hard to find a pattern with these damn things, but I think I got it figured out now. I experience more tics when I'm upset about something that happened related to Tourette's. The more I think about the situation and how frustrated I am with both my TS and people's reactions to it, the more I twitch.

I often forget that TS is misunderstood even by friends. The of closest friends often say they forget I even have TS, or will mention they haven't noticed me tic even though I've totally been twitching, they're just so used to it they don't notice. It's the medium friends that I'm talking about; the ones you see on a regular basis (say, in class) but don't really hang out with much.

Now I'm known among friends for being the wacky, random, unpredictable one. That's a personality trait, not a product of TS. The other day in music theory class I was having a conversation with a friend, when I doodled something silly (a penis) on her paper. She got kinda pissed (understandably) and began to erase it. I said "my bad... you know me, no impulse control." She replied with something along the lines of "there you go, blaming your Tourette's." I was confused at first, but realized she was talking about the impulse control comment.

When I get upset I usually get quiet (which sucks) and that's what happened here. Impulse control implies some quick idea you get but keep from doing, or at least that's how I understand it. She made the connection of Tourette's, which is false. Is that what people think of Tourette's? Like the father in Front of the Class, is the thought that "Tourette's" means that these are little jokes, little things that could be controlled with concentration? I know that not everybody thinks that, but I've known this person for so long, could she really think that I want to shake my head, twitch my arms, and do all that stuff? Does she think I think it's funny? I don't know, I just don't get it. I guess I'll talk to her about it.

Rent

Today I saw the musical "Rent," performed by Company Carolina at Forest Theater at UNC. Members of the cast included my community director (boss) as Mark, a friend as Joanne, and a fellow RA as well as a Phi Mu Alpha brother in the ensemble. The production was amazing, and yours truly even began to tear up at a few places!! It was performed in an amphitheater - I was uncertain of the quality of the show when I heard the venue, but it ended up working very well. Sometimes the audio was a bit off; the band had a tendency to overpower the vocalists.

Earlier today was the last home football game of the season. We defeated Miami - I would tell you the score but quite frankly I'm there for the music not the football so I don't even remember! It was fun, and going to see Rent was a perfect way to end the day.

Shalom!

Drum Circle!

Today was the most AMAZING THING HAPPENED EVARRR OMG!!

RAs put on monthly programs to benefit the residents of the building. Typically these programs have an educational or social theme to them. This month, my program was a Drum Circle! With help and funding from Community Government, I got my friend and teacher Matt Savage, the UNC Marching Percussion instructor and nationally known drum guru, to lead a drum circle with residents. We set out about thirty chairs, and Matt brought enough drums and other percussion for upwards of sixty or seventy. He brought everything from djembes to cowbells to paddle drums to tambourines - it was incredible. Everybody had a great time letting loose! We estimated that within an hour of drum circle, between seventy and a hundred people played drums at any point (many people stopped by for a few minutes and left), and just as many or even more enjoyed the music and danced from the building. A lot of people showed up, including a reporter from the Daily Tar Heel.

That's Matt in the center. I'm in the bright yellow shirt and

light blue hat on the bottom part of the circle, on the outer row.

This was super exciting to me because the reaction was so absolutely positive. Many of the Community Government members and other RAs told me this was the best turnout to a program they had seen! I think that what added to the program's success was it's easy-going and loud nature. People walking from Ram's Head to any other south campus dorm passed us, and could join if they wanted to. It was so epic.

After the drum circle was over, I went up to Matt to thank him for putting on such an awesome event. I was so overwhelmed with the success of the event that I could barely even say anything; I think I said "Thank you so much for.... that was.... I just... I'm soo.....ecstatic that I can't... I can't even make good sentences!!!"

What was amazing to me was how everybody knew exactly what to do once they got started. Yeah, people were shy, but once they started playing, the rhythm took over. Everyone was able to find and keep the beat. Even with so many people playing, the music didn't rush or drag. Matt did a great job of communicating with the group what to play, even though he never actually explained what he meant. For example, when Matt jumped, everyone knew to hit the drum really loudly - he never explained, everybody just knew. As a 'grand finale,' Matt had everybody stand up and come into the center while drumming - it was this intense jumble of human connection, because people in the group didn't necessarily know each other, but all were contributing to the same music. It was such an exhilarating experience not only to be a part of but also to be able to put that on. I hope there's a next time!

Where the Wild Thangs At?

Fall break is this weekend, and I've got fun stuff to report!

Thursday was the first full day of break, and it was spent almost entirely with the marching band. I woke up about half an hour late (again) to a distressed call from my section captain and close fraternity brother, Dave. I got there in time for the sound-check in the stadium, which consisted of standing in place while the sound technician got things set up for the band, Liquid Pleasure, that we were backing up at half-time.

Afterwards, my buddy Schmitty came over and helped me loft my bed. We put the mattress just as high as it would go! See, I hope to counter my oversleeping problem by hiding my bed from myself. I rearranged my desk and drums and other stuff in a very space-efficient way. I also discovered how to plug my amp directly into my computer for recording purposes... do you see as much potential as I do?!? Exciting things to come.

After that I went to the football game, which went fine. ESPN was filming the game and I almost (did) missed a step-off watching the spider-like Skycam gizmo zip over my head! The half-time show was pretty cool, we hosted the Chapel-Hill rooted band Liquid Pleasure. They're a party band that's made it pretty big along the East Coast, and have been around for almost thirty years. They did vocals while we played the rest, and it was a pretty good show. They came out in Carolina Blue sequin coats, which was simultaneously awesome and comical! Oh yeah, and there was football there, too. It was a really good game... for the other team. I don't really know first hand what happened because - let's face it - I'm only there for the band! Yeah.

The next day (Friday) my bed proved successful, as I forgot to turn off my 8:00 alarm: I stayed up since getting back in bed would be more effort than it was worth. I had a nice, uneventful day... I went to Ye Olde Waffle Shoppe, a place I'd wanted to go for a long time with another RA, Anish. I went to the gym for like the third time in my life ever with Bruce, after which we met up with Noah and a guy I hadn't met before to eat at [B]Ski's, where I proceeded to make lame jokes to the waitress.

Mom picked me up that night and we checked into a hotel in Raleigh. We were going to go camping, but the weather was just too depressing for that. Today (by which I mean Saturday) we spent the day at the NC Museum of Natural Science, which was AWESOME!! I LOVE going to museums with Mom, we're both as nerdy as a high-school science teacher and her offspring!

Oh wait...

CROSASAURUS REX ATTACK, AAAGGHHHH!!!!!

Before we went to the Museum, we went to this awesome place called Big Ed's, where I drank a bit too much coffee (it was sooo good!) At the museum this made my tics rather strong. I was a little nervous with all the little kids around for two reasons; either a rare coprolalic outburst would create a very awkward situation, or - more likely - I would whack one of them in the face with my audio-tour! No worries though, the angst of the TS was far outweighed by the sheer magnitude of visiting a huge science museum with Mom! Did I mention she's a high-school science teacher?

After the museum, we decided to go relive a bit of my childhood by going to see Where the Wild Things Are (spoilers ahead). It started out fine, by showing a harsh reality that the protagonist (Max) lived in. There was perhaps a bit too much with this reality - a stressed out single mother with a boyfriend who didn't know when to keep out of a tense family moment, an apathetic sister hanging out with like, four dudes... yeah. So whatever, I was waiting for the good part where he hangs out with all the Wild Things. After a terrifying (yet clearly imagined) boat-trip to the island, Max encounters a group of Wild Things who are frustrated with their current situation. They make him his king, everything seems close to the book, and I'm getting excited with this real-life rendition of happy childhood memories. Unfortunately it took a really dark turn and instead of being an imaginative escapist delight, it became a chilling reminder that human faults and imperfections are inescapable, even in one's own imagination. The book ended with things wrapping up in a positive ending, but the movie ended with things in a pile of depressing loose ends. After the movie, Mom and I went to Borders to read the real book again and restore my childhood.

So after our adventures in Raleigh, mom and I took a trip by the Food Lion to get some ice cream (which we devoured at the hotel) and now she's asleep and I'm blogging. Tomorrow we're planning on going to a state park or something along those lines to make some of the camping food that she brought but that we ended up not using. I'm really happy now, things are going well.

Thanks for reading!

Me

Performance Concept

In the traditional performance context, a performer plays a piece of music to a large audience. Because of the nature of the concert venue, part of the meaning of the song could be lost. For example if the song is about love, the audience can appreciate the song that the performer's playing and even sympathize with the feelings expressed. However, it is unlikely that either the performer or the audience is literally experiencing what the song is about as it is being performed. I would like to propose two changes to this model while specifically leaving others the same. This is an idea I've been tinkering with for a while and would like to experiment a little bit.

First, instead of playing to a large, possibly anonymous audience (from the perspective of the performer), I want to reduce the audience size to one, two at the very most. This way the connection between the performer and the listener is exponentially more intimate. There would be a higher pressure on the musician, while the listener would appreciate the music so much more as it is intended only for them.

Second, instead of the audience and performer sitting together simply listening to the set that the performer has planned, the performer plans the set around what they anticipate the audience member doing at the time. The music will serve as a 'live soundtrack' so to speak. Put in context, the music would have a much greater meaning than if taken out of context. An example of this would be playing music while somebody is falling asleep, walking to class, or driving in the car.

This is different than just playing songs for somebody while they happen to be in the car or falling asleep. The songs are planned, practiced, and arranged ahead of time to give a unique performance. Ideally, the audience member would forget the individual who is performing and appreciate the music in that context. In that sense, it is like a traditional concert because the personal elements of the performer are overcome by the persona of the performance.

I think I've jumbled a bunch of confusing ideas together here, so let me explain in a nutshell. I'll use the falling asleep example, because that's the most relevant to me. I would plan out and practice certain songs to play (on guitar) and sing to somebody as they're falling asleep. The room and the person falling asleep would be part of the art in itself. If all goes as planned, the audience member would be asleep before the end of the performance. Then, the performer would pack up and leave without a word. If the two people involved wanted to discuss the performance, it would be the next day and not immediately afterwards.

What do ya think?

Homework Frustration

So it's 4:30AM, and I have a confirmed case of "Sundaynightitis," meaning I doodled around all through last week and this weekend and now I have to stay up late to get it all done in time. Oops, it happens. I'm still having trouble with my sleep schedule, I'm going to really focus on that this week. Goal: get to bed at 11:45 every night, and be up and OUT OF BED by 7:30 AM.

I just finished a take-home music theory exam. It's mainly on chromatic modulations through various keys. It's really cool to type the progressions out on the computer and hear what they sound like. It's awesome to have the power to whip through tonalities like it's no big deal - it sounds so fluid and carefree but there's so much work that goes into writing these progressions. It's awesome!

Unfortunately my TS is very present at the moment. I'm very aware of the fact that while most people in my current situation would be fighting only sleep to get their work done, but my battle is with simply staying still. My muscles are getting achy teeth are beginning to hurt from all the pressure I keep putting on them. My tics have been following a pattern where I'll go dormant for a half a second: my eyes close and I can't move anything. It's the calm before the storm; then a completely unpredictable tic rips through my body. Sometimes it's a (relatively) simple body jerk, sometimes my body heaves and it feels like I'm going to throw up!

A few hours ago I went to Abby, my RA Mentor, to calm down a little bit and relieve some stress. I hung out with her and another RA for a while, laughing and having a good time. It really helped to have a break like that! I love where I live and the people around me, I can't imagine it any other way.

After finishing my Music Exam I thought I'd write a little bit about what's going on before finishing up my Computer Programming, which explains this post. Anyway, I have a few things to write about once I get caught up with work, so more to come soon. Shalom!

The Next Day

I've got some good followup on my last post, as well as a little bit of clarification.

Now that my room is back in order and I've got an organized living space, I feel confident in picking up and going. I feel much more stable in daily life, waking up on time and getting to sleep at a reasonable hour. I would liken it to a stumble - you're off balance for a bit and it's not looking good, but then you quickly get your footing again and keep going. Remember that step I talked about in My Tourette's History Part III? I feel that I'm still going in that same direction. I'm not sure I can describe what direction I'm going in, or how to truly describe it if I did know.

One thing that I do know is that I'm in a new stage of life in terms of living and coping with my Tourette's. I feel more comfortable with who I am, and I feel less of a need to tell everybody and inform everybody and talk about it all the damn time. In fact, today I got a haircut. This may not seem significant, but for someone who moves their head spastically at unpredicted times, haircuts are rather intimidating! Today was the first time I got a haircut (done by somebody other than my mother) without warning the barber unnecessarily about my TS. In the past it hasn't really done anything other than confuse the person and it doesn't really do much to prevent the haircut from tic interference. Today, I didn't feel like telling the guy, so I didn't! It all worked out fine, except that I'm not really sure I like the haircut itself, because it kinda reminds me of the redneck guys from back home. The moral of that story is that old dudes are supposed to cut other old dudes's hair (I was the only one in there who wasn't balding). Women know what look good on men, and are more likely to deliver a good-looking hair cut. Or at least, that's my inference based on a single experience. Haircut:

As for the clarifaction of IFS4Y Day. CuteWithChris.com is a favorite blog of mine. He generally posts user-submitted pictures of themselves and their pets, as well as uploading a video update every so often. It's hard to describe really, because it's his somewhat cynical and snarky humor applied to various things that makes it so great. You should def check it out, although watch his YouTube videos first because they're more entertaining.

Often times people send him pictures of them after they hurt themselves or something along those lines, hoping for him to display their pictures out of pity. When people send him stuff like that, he generally makes fun of them and reminds them that International Feel Sorry For Yourself Day isn't until May 11th. In the video I linked, he starts complaining about his show, cuts himself off and says "Oh! I forgot - save it for International Feel Sorry For Yourself Day!" I included this reference in my last post sort of as a reminder to myself to stop worrying about it, because it's not May 11th! It's unnacceptable to feel sorry for yourself - unless, of course, it's International Feel Sorry For Yourself Day!!!

System Reset

Hello friends, I haven't posted in a while!

I've had a lot going on in my personal and academic life lately. I've been skipping classes, not doing homework, staying awake when I should be sleeping and sleeping when I shouldn't, and now that I think about it I haven't been eating on a regular schedule, either. An issue that's kept me offline is that my computer is all screwy, and even though Dell has replaced pretty much every functional piece of equipment, it's still acting up. They're sending a replacement computer, but apparently it will take "7 to 14 business days" to show up - great!

I guess you could say I am working on developing myself as an individual and establishing my sense of emotional independence. Sadly this involved splitting up with Charlene, but I have to take care of myself before I can truly care for somebody else. She has also taken the time to develop herself, which is something that is very relieving for me to know. I have set up a thing with Campus Counseling and Wellness Services to help me achieve this goal, and I look forward to living the future relatively on my own.

This weekend, as a symbolic gesture for my rearranging and restructuring my life, I felt the need to totally reorganize my living area. My first attempt at this fung-schway (spelled incorrectly as a joke)was largely unsuccessful in that I got my room torn apart just enough to realize that it would be a two-person job to finish or put it back. I was stuck with my room a total mess; not what I had in mind for restructuring my personal life! Tonight (four days after I tore up my room) various fraternity brothers stopped by to help me move things around and clean out all the junk that's piled up since I first moved in in May. That in itself seems to be foreshadowing for the future.

Well, dear Internet, I hear my newly repositioned bed calling my name. I have an early class tomorrow that I'd rather not go to (sorry Lisa!) and other things to get done. I know International Feel Sorry For Yourself Day (IFS4Y Day)isn't until May 12, so I hope this post isn't an early celebration; I've had a lot on my mind, and I know that my dear friend the Internet is always there to listen.

Cheers,
Michael

iPod frustration

Hello friends! I haven't posted for a while I know, but I found a Graph on Graph Jam I wanted to share:


see more Funny Graphs

Life in Constant Motion

I have come to the realization that constantly twitching all the time has created a certain "microculture" to my life. That's a dumb word. I'm sure there's a better one, like idiosyncrasies or nuances or something like that... but for now, microculture works fine. Some of these things I've known for a while, and some of them are new to me; I thought it would be interesting to write them all down in one place.

Charlene pointed out the other day that I tend to be rather rough with things in general - I sit in chairs roughly, I put down forks and knives loudly, and so on. Now granted, I have always been one to wear things out quickly and not treat things quite as gently as I could. However I am convinced that this is exacerbated by the fact that my body is always doing crazy things. I'm not graceful by the nature of my disorder - I yank my head so hard that I crack my neck pretty often. About once every couple days I have such a severe tic that I temporarily loose my balance. I think that the violent nature of my involuntary movements carry over to my voluntary ones, in that I'm not as aware of voluntary disruptive behaviors because I am constantly being disrupted by involuntary ones.

Also I've found that I am always doing some kind of continuous motion voluntarily, either slowly shaking my leg or nodding my head or something to that effect. It's so much nicer to be disrupted by a tic while I'm moving a bit than from a dead standstill. Also, if I have some sort of internal rhythm or tempo going on, the timing of the tics are slightly more predictable. This constant movement may give the illusion that I am being particularly ADD (which might also play a part) or bored, when the fact is that I'm just trying to make things easier for myself.

I've known for a long time that I'm not gonna win any staring contests any time soon. Wait around a few seconds and I'll have some tic that either makes me throw my eyes away or close them altogether. It slowly donned on me some time ago that I can't keep eye contact with anybody for very long. Whenever I'm looking somebody in the eye (I've experimented) and I have a tic, by the time I get back to where they are their eyes have left and are somewhere else. This is predictable, but still slightly distressing all the same.

In my Chem 102 class last semester, I used to sit in the front row of the class. I had introduced myself to the professor previously, and he would make eye contact with me often during his lecture. Sometimes he would look at me for a few seconds, sometimes more. I started doing secret tests to see what caused him to look away. Sometimes I would wait as long as I could before twitching, and he would hold eye contact for ten to fifteen seconds. The times I would fake a twitch almost as soon as he looked at me, and he would look away immediately.

This has nothing to do with him as an individual, it just goes to show how much my tics affect normal life. Eye contact is a very important thing, especially in close conversations, yet I physically can't keep it for very long. Times that I have been able to hold it for what I normally think of as a normal, reasonable amount of time for eye contact, I've felt uncomfortable. I wish I could keep eye contact, because I think that's very important when you're trying to discuss something important.

Lastly, I tend to point things out about other people perhaps more often than I should. I'm not sure if I see them more, or if I just say them. For example, I'll point somebody out to a friend and say "look at how that person is walking, kind of pigeon toed," or even "that person has a big face." Now obviously this is not anything I would tell anybody directly (and would only say to close friends like Charlene), just an observation about somebody else's body that happened to catch my eye and interest me. I am totally aware that physical characteristics have no indication about a person's character, and I'm sure there's probably a very logical explanation in many cases. Charlene and others have told me not to point such things out before, and have said "look at that kid twitching," as if to give me perspective. But the fact is, people do say "look at that kid twitching," and I am fully aware of that. I am also comfortable enough with myself to know that I am more than a twitch and that if I were to get to know those people, they would learn to accept me based on my personality and not my Tourette's. People that would judge based on my TS, well, I don't want to be their friend anyway. That is why I feel comfortable saying "that person has a very thin nose" and know that I am not judging that person. But, other people do not have that same comfort so I ought to be more careful.

That's it for now. It's interesting to see how a disorder can cause indirect effects on a person psychologically. I wish I could see myself from a third-person point of view to get a better view of these things.... oh well!

Prayer

A few days ago, a man walked up to me on campus. He couldn’t have been much older than I, black, clean but clearly not well off. He made eye contact with me from far away, and made sure to get my attention with a smile and a wave. He came up and introduced himself politely but quickly. He explained to me that he lived in the shelter down the street, did I know where it was? No? Well, it’s down the street aways. He’s trying to get himself back on his feet, he’s trying to get a job but needed to get to Henderson to talk to somebody about it. He didn’t go into extreme detail, but what he said sounded somewhat reasonable. Anyway, Triangle Transit Authority didn’t run down there, and he’s trying to get down there. I explained I would love to help him but don’t have a car. He really needed to get down there he said, and would be willing to pay someone to help him but didn’t have any money. I was clearly aware of the lonely dollar bill in my wallet, but I knew it’s never a good idea to pull out your wallet near a person asking for money.

He talked to me a bit more, and I began to kind of like him a bit. He said he liked my hat, that it matches some boots he has. I decided that he could probably use the one dollar I had on me more than I could, so taking a small step back and keeping an eye on all his movements, I took my wallet out and handed him my dollar, quickly putting my wallet back in my pocket. He didn’t do anything shady (other than ask for money in the first place), but it was protocol. He seemed a little disappointed with the sum, but thankful all the same. I gave him a firm hand shake, looked him in the eye, and told him how glad I was that he’s getting back on his feet, and that I was proud of him. He reacted a little strangely to my gesture; he either was lying about his story and felt some guilt, or had never been shown that kind of humanity. Either way it doesn’t change the end result, so I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume the latter.

I don’t know who this man was or whether he was lying or not. I don’t know if a dollar actually helped him get what he was looking for or not. A fellow human outstretched a hand to me in what I decided was genuine need. This is the best I can do to pray – do my best to help people and spread as much love as I can. This may not seem like prayer to most, but I personally find it more spiritually gratifying than reciting words in my head or out loud to an ambiguous deity.

The next day I was at Qdoba with Charlene when I saw the man walk by the window. He looked in at me, smiled, and waved.

Amen.

Such Great Differences

Hey! This is a paper I just wrote for my Intro to Rock and Roll class. Enjoy!

Such Great Differences

Background sounds and music play a crucial role in the perception of what they are accompanying. The weight this phenomenon can be experienced by muting the television during an epic battle scene, or during the climactic kiss of a romance movie. Without the music that guides our hearts through our ears, the intense potential for powerful emotions dies into uncertain monotony. Another example of how much music affects perception can be found in the original and cover version of the song “Such Great Heights” by The Postal Service and Iron & Wine respectively. Each group applies different music to the same poetic lyrics to create unique performances with different meanings.

The Postal Service’s original version of the song begins with an electronic intro, presumably played on a synthesizer. The timbre of each note is almost a plain sine wave, heavily panned either to the left or right, immediately grabbing the listener’s attention and creating somewhat of a futuristic pop sort of feel. While this synthesizer part reoccurs later in the song, it does not clearly define the chord structure of the song and ends as soon as the vocal part begins. When the singer belts out the opening lyrics (0:41), his strong and confident tone quality seem to reinforce the futuristic and youthful nature of the song.

In contrast to the energetic electronics of The Postal Service’s original introduction, the cover done by Iron & Wine begins with a finger picked guitar playing the same part and chord progression it will play for the duration of the song. When I first heard this song, the soothing guitar instantly reminded me of the soft lullabies my father used to play to me as a child. While my own specific personal experiences are no doubt unique, the cover introduction is unquestionably much more relaxed than the original. This lullaby feel is further enhanced by the singer’s mature voice that sings almost as soft as a whisper, but just loud enough to have a pitch.

There is a special emphasis in both versions of the song on a particular set of measures in each of the verses; the first example of which is heard on the lyrics “mirror images” (TPS-0:46, I&W-0:32). In The Postal Service’s original, the note doesn’t fit into the chord structure of the song and jumps out to the listener like a weed in an otherwise clean-cut yard. In the Iron & Wine cover version, the very same phrase is smoother, yet the singer not only uses a more chordal pitch but also employs melismas and other pleasing musical devices that aren’t heard anywhere else in the song. Both versions produce significance to the very same phrase, but the ways in which they go about doing so create a different kind of importance to each.

As mentioned above, The Postal Service makes much use of electronics and studio technology. In fact, the phrases of the verses overlap by a beat, forcing the singer to sound two pitches at once. For example, in the line “…when we kiss they're perfectly aligned/and I have to speculate…” (0:49) the word “aligned” happens on the same beat as the words “And I.” Therefore, these phrases could not realistically be sung by one person in a live setting. Iron & Wine changes the rhythm of these words slightly so that this is not a problem for a lone singer; however despite the seeming intention to stick to the bare acoustic basics it is clear that overdubbing was used because a breath is audible during the word “aligned” (0:39). A small detail, yet an easy recording studio fix. This inclusion was probably intentional, perhaps a foreshadowing of overdubbed harmonies yet to come.

Both versions of the song have staggered instrumental entrances, but the effect is more prevalent in The Postal Service’s version. The song begins with the synthesized blips, soon underscored by a bass line (0:21). The drums begin to fade in (0:25) – an uncommon entrance for any percussion – while the blips fade out, leading way to the vocal entrance (0:41). In the Iron & Wine cover, the vocal entrance (0:20) is the only obvious entrance of sorts, with the exception of the mandolin solo at the end. Closer listening will reveal vocal harmonies layered into the cover as the song progresses, the first of which enters on the second phrase of the first verse (1:01). It is interesting that Iron & Wine would choose to include these harmonies in their acoustic cover, because they are not present in the original. The harmonies are soft and gentle and seem to give the voice an almost dreamy, angelic quality; as if the listener is drifting off to sleep and the harmonies are part of a dream. This makes the lyrics seem to be about flying to “such great heights” in a dream world rather than a futuristic one. As the dream continues the harmonies become more and more involved until they become a whole new instrument (3:43) is embodied by the dream in the form of a mandolin.

Cues for how to interpret the songs can be found in the music videos that the bands produce. The Postal Service’s music video for “Such Great Heights” depicts moving robotic parts and a male and a female astronaut. Based on initial impressions, one might think that this is a word play on the title and nothing more. On closer inspection, many of the scenes seem to have a strong sexual connotation: various robotic insertions and pulsations (0:43, 1:21, 1:28, 2:17, 2:55), subtle crotch shots (1:02), and machine parts that oddly seem to resemble human breasts (0:45) are only a few of the sexual suggestions within the music video. By contrast, Iron & Wine does not have a music video available. This could be due to a lack of funding, but is not likely as the group Confide has a music video for their cover of the song, even though their version is much less popular than the other two. Perhaps Iron & Wine chose not to produce a music video in order to maintain the dreamy, imaginative quality that makes their version so unique. While the material in these videos cannot be experienced solely by listening to the song, it suggests what the artists might have had in mind when they wrote and recorded the songs.

Although both songs use the very same lyrics and almost the same melody, the musical accompaniment drastically changes the meaning of each song. The Postal Service’s original is a ballad of youthful euphoric love, while the stylistic differences in Iron & Wine’s cover turn the same song into a dreamy lullaby. This was achieved by a variations in methods including instrumentation, melody, and vocal qualities. Each artist took the same poetic lyrics and by changing only the musical qualities, created such great differences.

Severine Neff

I just want to write a little bit about how much I appreciate my music theory professor, Dr. Severine Neff. Dr. Neff is one of the nicest professors I have met at this campus, and her passion for music and teaching it to others is very apparent through her teaching style. She plays piano beautifully, but only plays when necessary to illustrate key points in the lesson. She is very patient, and is open to trying new things to help us learn the concepts - something that cannot be said of many. After spending three semesters with her, Dr. Neff has completely changed the way I write and listen to music.

Props to you, Dr. Neff!

I am now a trumpet player!

Yesterday marked my first performance on trumpet. We had our opening game of the season versus the Citadel, who we demolished 40-6. It was an awesome experience - I went from barely knowing the fingerings of trumpet to standing in front of a stadium full of people! Granted, I still suck at trumpet but I'm getting a lot better and I'm having a lot of fun. It's awesome! Sorry for the short post, but that's really all I got right now...

Vision

Today in my RA class, we discussed the differences between visions and goals and how each of those are different in each other's lives. As an exercise, everyone wrote down thier vision in marker on a sheet of paper. This vision could be something we wanted to change at the university level or nationwide or globally. We taped these sheets of paper on the wall, then everybody got the chance to read the visions and give feedback by writing things down on post-it notes and placing those on the wall next to the visions.

I wrote that my vision was to "spread advocacy and awareness about Tourette Syndrome, changing the stereotype." After class, I looked through the notes people had left on my vision. I waded through the various notes, all of them positive and one or two that were illegible. One post-it stood out to me. It said: "Your story is being used to change the lives of others. Very encouraging to me!"

I don't know who in the class of fifteen wrote this note, and I don't know if they know me or know my story at all. But, the note touched me because it reassured me that what I'm doing is not going unnoticed. That my blog actually has a purpose, that the hardships I go through now will translate to less stressful situations for others in the future. I taped the post it onto my laptop right next to the touchpad so that I can see it everyday.

Mixed Meter

In my Intro to Rock and Roll class, we discussed the idea of mixed meter. A basic explanation for mixed meter is when the count changes throughout the song. Normally, you can count "1 2 3 4, 1 2 3 4" or "1 2 3, 1 2 3," all the way through a song. In mixed meter, this changes and you might find "1 2 3 4, 1 2 3, 1 2 3 4."

Here are some of my favorite songs featuring mixed meter:

• All You Need is Love by The Beatles. This one is a mixed-meter standard. They usually alternate between 3/4 and 4/4 time, but sometimes they fake you out. Listen to it and try to count along!
• Barracuda by Heart. This song is mostly in 4/4 time, but especially in the second half the Heart sisters throw in bars of 3/4 time. Very cool!
• Blue Rondo A La Turk by the Dave Brubeck Quartet. Masters of rhythm and timing, these guys have a real excersice in time signatures on this one. This song has three bars of 9/8 time grouped into four beats (2+2+2+3) followed by one measure of 9/8 grouped into three beats (3+3+3). Cool stuff.
• Zombie Woof by Frank Zappa. I have absolutley no idea what's going on in the intro to this song, but I deffinitely suggest listening to it and appreciating how coordinated the musicians are!
• Africa by Toto. This one is a little harder to catch - subtle, if you will. Each time the reoccuring musical statement is played throughout the song, there's a bar of 2/4. If you're counting, you should count something like this: 1 2 3 4, 1 2 3 4, 1 2, 1 2 3 4, 1 2 3 4

Thinkin' About Monkeys

I found pretty early on that it's hard to read most Tourette's literature. The only one I've found motivating is "Front of the Class" by Bradley Cohen. I liked it because he never stopped doing - he kept on living his life, forcing his way through all the bullshit that people kept giving him for his Tourette's.

I had trouble reading the books "Icy Sparks" and "Don't Think About Monkeys." I think that these books are good for the non-Touretter, but I just can't stand to read them. It seemed to me like these books were ways to express pain, to show how much having Tourette's sucked. I already know this; I don't need a book to tell me. I couldn't even get through the books, I just didn't want to hear about how depressed these people were!

On the other hand, about a month before I met Charlene, she read the book "Icy Sparks." Before this, she hadn't even heard of the disorder - how fortuitous that she would read it right before meeting me! That just goes to show how important audience is, I guess. For now, I'll just keep thinking about monkeys.

Classes

Today marks the first weekend after classes began of the new semester! I'm really excited about it, because I have a really great lineup of classes. I have Music Theory III, Psych 101, Intro to Rock and Roll (that's right!), Intro to Computer Programming, and Peer Leadership. The last one is a class I have to take because I'm an RA, :P. I forsee a lot of frustration with that class, but the good news is that I have it with my best buddy Bruce. Cool! I'm sure I'll be posting interesting bits here and there throughout the semester. Peace friends!

Speechless

I just experienced something that touched me deeply and I feel the need to share.

As for a bit of background, by now you know that I did not have Tourette's all my life, but rather acquired it suddenly in high school. I've always thought of it as that I got the easy; middle and elementary school are the really formative years, and lucky for me I didn't' have to deal with peers picking on my based on my TS all the time. In fact, I've even felt some shame because of that - who am I to join support groups, when I got to skip what is arguably the most difficult part of a Touretter's life? People are always surprised when they find out I haven't had it all my life, and when I tell them I always feel like I loose 16 years worth of credibility. Today I realized that isn't necessarily true.

Earlier, I was hanging out with two friends who were doing some homework. One friend was a guy who sometimes has a rather rough demeanor but always has a good heart; I think of him as a particularly masculine individual. The other was a young woman with a very unique, almost maternal personality. I was telling them about the guy I had met with facial tics in my Comp Sci class. They were both surprised and somewhat entertained at how genuinely excited I was when I saw his tics. I explained to them that I had never met anybody else with Tourette Syndrome, and that after everything that's happened, no wonder I'm excited when I see someone else who might have had similar experiences! The male friend said "I know how you feel. Actually... I don't. But, I can guess." When he said this, I was a bit confused and said that I didn't mind him saying "I know how you feel" even if he didn't actually have TS, and that it actually meant a lot to me in the first place.

After a moment, he said (and of course this is paraphrased, based on my crummy memory) "You know... I was thinking. I always thought that Tourette's was something you had all your life; but it seems like it would be harder how it happened to you." Even though I understood what he was saying and could predict what was coming next, I was confused. I had never thought of it that way before; also, he was beginning to tear up, which is even more confusing. "I have so much respect for you - I can't imagine what it must be like to do everything that you do even though that happened to you. I don't know what I would do." At this point, he was choking up and covering his eyes with his hand. "So when I say 'I know how you feel...' I really don't."

And with that he finished. I was speechless and he was embarrassed (which is why I've done my best to tell the story without revealing identity as best as possible. I hope I've written it well enough that he could read it and feel good about it.). There were a few moments of silence, and he left for the bathroom. When he was left, I didn't know what to say or do. "That's... never happened before" I said. "Really?" said the second friend, "because that's what everybody thinks."

I was blown away. Still am, actually. I never thought of myself as much of a fighter or anything like that, or even that my unusual onset of TS was any more difficult or inspirational or different than the 'normal' case. Especially when the second friend echoed his sentiment, I felt thrown into a whole new setting.

Many people have told me that my struggle with TS is motivating, but it never struck me like this before. I feel like I just found out I'm some strange kind of hero, but didn't quite realize what all was entailed. People I consider my equals or even superiors look up to me... valleys are mountains and mountains aren't really what you thought they were in the first place. Wow.

New Toy

I've been itching to play/have an electric guitar for a while, and opportunity knocked on my door last night. My fraternity brother just bought an Epiphone Les Paul and was getting rid of his old elecrtic. He gave me his Squier Strat for an amazingly awesome price. I love it soooo much!! I'm still working on transitioning (or would it be expanding?) from acoustic style to electric styles, and it feels great. by the way I've been trying to figure out exactly what color this is - some say blue, some say purple. What do you think??

I MET A TICCER!!!!1 :D

Today in my computer programming class, I noticed a student who kept twitching his eyebrows everyfew seconds. For those who don't spend large amounts of time with me, I'm always on the lookout for someone else with Tourette's. I think I spotted one once a looong time ago and I didn't go talk to him; ever since, I've been on the lookout trying to find somebody else who shares the condition with me.

So anyway my 'tic-dar' was going nuts over this guy, and I knew I had to talk to him after class. I've always practiced what to say if/when I meet someone, but of course all of that flew out the window and it was awkwardfest. I walked over and asked if he had tics, then explained that I have Tourette Syndrome and I'm always on the lookout to find somebody else with the disorder. He said he did have eyebrow tics, but that he hadn't been diagnosed as TS and also didn't have any other regular tics. We introduced ourselves, and as he so eloquently put it "it's nice to meet somebody else with the same problem."

We'll see if there's more to come!

Leb

Hello again! Today was the first day of classes for UNC's fall '09 semester, an exciting day indeed!

Two nights ago, I was with one of my fraternity brothers who was feeling down. After talking things out, we picked up guitars and made up a song on the spot. He played electric lead while I played rhythm on his steel six string; I was his support while he poured his heart out. It was an intense and deep moment, and we played for at least ten minutes without stopping or changing the music.

This particular brother is very spiritual, and has talked to me about what is called the 'language of the heart. ' I'm sure I'm not able to explain this nearly as well as he can, but it is not a spoken language, but more of a felt one. It is more of an abstract language about love rather than a language to write a shopping list or a play. In Hebrew, the word for this is "Leb." Although it does not specifically have to do with music, in that moment I felt the language of the heart between us. We didn't tell each other what was going on or what the other was going to play, but it worked and it was beautiful. I was so honored that I could be a part of that, and that we have the bond that allowed that to happen. Love - be it romantic or brotherly - is magnificent!

Dell Support

A while back I had a particularly strong tic in my hand while I was typing that resulted in the right 'control' key being ripped off.

Today I talked to Dell support about an unrelated issue with the touchpad, which they are going to replace. I asked them if I could get the key replaced as well. "What happened to the key?" the technician (José was his name) asked.

"Well... I have a neurological disability that causes me to twitch and flail my arms sometimes at random. One time my hand got caught on the control key and ripped it off."

José said that they don't normally replace things that were caused by external factors, but that he would make an exception in this case.

Thanks Dell! :-)

Tourette's History Part IV

About a week ago in RA training, we spent a day talking about diversity and identity. It was ironic because I happened to be sporting a mohawk that day as part of an ongoing joke. I don't consider myself a mohawk person, even though people said it looked great. It felt so out of place when I would reach up and touch it! At the end of this training day, we broke into our individual building staffs - a group of about twenty people in my case. The Community Director (Josh) led an activity that helped us explore our own identities. First, we each wrote a list of ten things that we consider to be very important to defining each of us as a person. My list started with "Tourette Syndrome" and included other things like "good listener," "musician," things like that. Once the list was made up, Josh asked us cross off five of those things. It was difficult, but I picked the five that I felt least connected to and removed them from my list of identity. Then, he asked us to cross off three more. I was down to "Tourette Syndrome" and "Understanding of Other's Perspectives." Predictably, the next step was to pick one more item to cross off. I sat staring at the paper, wanting my best to have "Perspectives" be the one thing that I thought defined me, but I knew it wasn't true. I drew a bold black line through it.

We went around the circle and took turns telling the group about our lists and what was left as our most central identity trait. As we went around the cirlce, many people had heavy subjects and some were emotional. I rehearsed what I was going to say in my head. I thought about how I would introduce the points that I was particularly proud of, and of little jokes I could throw in here or there to make it light. But when it was almost my turn, I looked at my list and saw a list of nine perfectly good personality traits crossed out and one horribly life-changing disability sitting like king at the top of them. All the sudden everything hit me at once and I reacted to my Tourette's in a way I had never done before.

I started to cry.

I did my best to hold it back at first, because it was my turn to speak. It was a very emotional moment and I don't remember exactly what I said, but I'll give my best shot at recreating the moment: "Today I've talked about my Tourette Syndrome a lot. Two and a half years ago I was a normal guy; I never really processed it until right now. It may not seem like a big deal, but for every tic you see, I have about twenty - and I feel every single one of them. I feel like it's a cage that I'm trying to reach out of, but crossing everything out made me just see the cage. That's... That's all I got."

I began to cry freely and to my surprise, many of the people around me did too. The guy next to me stood up and gave me a huge bear hug, even though I was to weak to stand up and return it. We continued going around the circle, although it was hard for me to concentrate on what was being said. I kept my eyes down and shed silent tears; it was so hard to think about anything or the people in the room. I felt so rediculous crying like a baby with a badass mohawk. I wasn't slowing down any, even though the next couple people were already talking. I remember looking up momentarily and being overwhelmed with the size of the cirlce in front of me. Maryam, who had also had a rather emotional list, came over to kneeled next to me and put her arms around me, which gave me the strength to stop staring at the piece of paper and crumple that shit up. Finally, we took a water break for everyone to refresh and recharge their batteries from the heavy things we were discussing. I stood up and started to head to the bathroom to clean myself up. I still hadn't recovered from my turn, and three or four people came in tears to where I was before I could move, showering me with reassuring hugs and words. It's odd to me to think that other people can be so heavily affected by something that happens to someone else, but it was very thereaputic to be able to share the moment. One person was crying almost harder than I was. She told me how great of a person she thought I was and that she felt lucky to know me. We hugged about three times; her actions meant so much to me at that moment, more than I can describe in words.

As I left the group and headed off to the bathroom to clear out my nose, I began to gasp for breath. Not knowing what was going on, I started crying even harder and louder than I had before. I didn't even make it to the bathroom; Josh and Maryam came and rescued me halfway there. I dove into them and sobbed harder than I think I ever have since I was little. It was one of the deepest, realest, most meaningful embraces I think I will ever experience. I don't know how long we stood there as I poured out the contents of my heart, lungs, and tear ducts onto them.

When I was done crying, Maryam took me on a walk around campus. We discussed each other's lives and issues and how we felt about things. We walked and talked until the mosquitos drove us back inside. Maryam is such an amazing person, always fighting for the right thing. I know that someday she will have a great impact on the world; indeed, she already has on mine.

Looking back (although admittedly it hasn't been all that long), I don't really know what exactly happened that day, or where I am now because of it. I do know that I took a step. A very large step indeed, but the direction of which I am unsure of. I guess that can only be determined by time and heinsight, right? I wish I had a better way to end this enormous post, but unfortunately I think it's just going to have to stop. I wrote this in a long, multi-hour single sitting, so I'm sure there are a bunch of errors in typing and junk like that in it. Whatever, I'll fix them tomorrow.

My Tourette's History, Part III

Pretty soon after the actual diagnosis of Tourette's, vocal tics began. Whether it was the power of suggestion or just the natural course of events is debatable, but it happened. They began as malformed unpredictable thoughts. For example, seeing my dog would make me think about having tics that sounded like a dog - a few minutes later I started growling and barking! It's a true story, I remember my poor dog looking so confused as to what was going on. In fact, I even remember beatboxing about 8 measures worth of music totally involuntarily!

After a while the vocal tics settled on a regular pattern of gibberish words. I'd blurt things like "tertabidable blibl!" and stuff like that. It was so odd because I always knew exactly what I had just said and even how one would go about spelling them, even though they were nonsensical words.

I remember the first day of my high school Senior English class, asking my teacher to let me stand up and explain my condition to the class. She had been planning an 'ice breaker' type thing anyway, so she let me go first. I stood up, told the class my name and favorite ice cream flavor, then said something along the lines of "I recently developed Tourette Syndrome. It's new to me, so I'm just as confused about it as you guys are. So you may hear me make noises and stuff, but that's just my Tourette's." I think a lot of people were particularly moved by the part about it being new to me, and all were understanding. In the same class, I did my final presentation about why disabilities awareness should be taught in public schools. As an example of what this might look like, I made a video explaining two disorders, Tourette Syndrome and Albinism. I explained Tourette Syndrome and an Albino friend of mine helped with the second part. When I gave my presentation in front of the class, everyone clapped really loudly and a few girls even started crying! I think I lost that video file before I could get it on YouTube, which is unfortunate.

Another significant moment happened one day in Wind Symphony class. It was towards the end of rehearsal and people where packing up. All the sudden I felt a vocal tic coming on, different than any of them before. I had been ticcing "shhh- shhh-" every so often, but it finally finished itself: "shhhit!" it wasn't loud, and probably sounded like any other explative. I knew it was involuntary though, which is what made it so wierd. Somehow, halfway across the room in the trombone section, my best friend Fletcher heard it and somehow understood the significance. He and I locked eyes across the room - "was that what I thought it was??" his face said. And alas it was - the dreaded coprolalia, the involuntary blurting of socially inappropriate things. Fortunately this episode only lasted about two days. For more, check out the post titled "Coprolalia."

I worked with a psychologist, Dr. Carl Mumpower in Asheville, to learn strategies to reduce the tics. We made up a technique we called "Psychido," a play on the martial art form aikido. In aikdido, the idea is to use the opponents energy to bring him down using as little force as possible. I learned how to relax and ignore the tics; I let them flow freely through my mind without actually being expressed. Once I learned this, I soon found that the vocal tics were fairly easy for me to control the vocal tics and greatly reduce the physical tics. Now I don't have to consciously think about it as much, the psychido comes somewhat naturally.

Life moved on and I started heading towards college. I began meeting other Touretters online, like Catherine, Faith, and Jimmy "Tyrannasaurus Rets." Each of us at different stages of our lives and in different parts of the world (US and UK), I felt a connection to each of them. We could talk about our experiences, and yet at the same time it wasn't perfect. All of us had differenct experiences with their Tourette's which affected how each felt towards it. I noticed very quickly that I had a very optimistic outlook on things since I had developed it after I had already settled into my high school social life and personality.

When I went to college I was able to get a single room as a disability accomodation. The logic was that I need a place to go and be able to relieve tics or stress without the worry of a roommate, or to keep him awake at night twitching (even though I don't twitch in my sleep). The plan was admittedly half legit and half a plot to not have to deal with a roommate, but there were a few nights where I got so stressed out and twitchy that having a roommate would have been bad. In that case, I guess it was worth it!

My father does public speaking on ethics part time, and he encouraged me to think about speaking publicly about having Tourette's. I liked the idea, but never really had any place to go about it. I thought it would be great if I were able to make jokes about it, jokes from my point of view. Tourette's is the funny disease, because cursing randomly is always funny, right?! I thought that by making real jokes I could educate people and make it fun! My opportunity came knocking with the Carolina Comedy Commission put on their big comedy weekend. They had various comedic events that all led up to a stand up show including Wyatt Cenac, Maria Bamford, and Lewis Black. At the last minute, I saw a sign advertizing a student stand-up competition that weekend. I had missed the deadline for sign ups but I emailed anyway and made it into the line-up. I threw an act together and practiced it in front of my dorm's housekeeper (Joseph) a couple of times, and once in front of some friends. You can see the final result on YouTube under the name Crosa Stands Up. Th next day I saw Lewis Black walking around the campus of UNC. He didn't recognize my face from the competition, but he recognized my tics. Turns out he was there watching the competition. He told me about a movie he saw once about a guy who had Tourette's, even though he "couldn't remember the name of that ffffah-king movie." It meant a lot to me that he reached out like that - and that he watched my comedy bit!

Speaking of friends, I just want to throw in that my friends are SO awesome! They're always supportive of me and (almost) everything I do! A special shout out to Bruce, Josh, Maryam, my PMA brothers, and my [then] girlfriend Charlene. There are tons and tons of people that have helped me over the years, but way too many to name!

Check out Part IV for more. I went back and separated them months later into logical sections, so some comments may be referring to things said in that one!

The Scatman

While I do haven't read anything that scientifically proves this, I've always thought of stuttering to be related to nervous tics, and therefore to Tourette's. Last night I actually listened to the lyrics of a favorite song, "Scatman" by Scatman John. I was floored by close to home the song hit, and I wanted to share it on my blog. I can't embed this particular video, so I'll post a link:

LINK!

Here's the lyrics that speak to me:

Everybody stutters one way or the other 

So check out my message to you. 

As a matter of fact don't let nothin' hold you back. 

If the Scatman can do it so can you. 

Everybody's sayin' that the Scatman stutters 

But doesn't ever stutter when he sings.

But what you don't know I'm gonna tell you right now

That the stutter and the scat is the same thing. 

Yo I'm the Scatman.

The Marching Tarheels begin!

Today was the first day of the Marching Tarheels Band camp! It was also my first day as an official trumpet, and it was awesome. Having recently picked up the trumpet it was much more difficult for me than most, but it was exciting. Last year I played on the drum line, but many there were many factors that influenced my decision for trumpet.

One of which is that a lot of the trumpet players are in Phi Mu Alpa Sinfonia, the music fraternity I am a part of. It is very exciting for all of the brothers to be back in town after a long summer without them. After not seeing them all summer, I forgot how significant it was to have so many people around me that I have such a deep connection with. No matter where we may interact on campus, the brothers support each other and mean a lot to each other.

Also, I went to the doctor about a wrist injury that happened a few days ago. I hurt it in my sleep, and after looking at the x rays it looks like it might be broken just a little bit after all. I have to go to orthopedics to get that all figured out - more about that as it comes.

More later - bed now. Goodnight, internet!

Music in the Heart

Today as an RA staff, we volunteered as a group at an organization called Club Nova. It's an organization that provides a lifestyle for people in the community with mental disabilities and handicaps. It's called a "Clubhouse Model," where members and staff both participate equally in running the organization. They have three main components of the oragnization: the house, the thrift store, and the apartments. The apartments were recently taken over by the government and are now Section 8 housing, but many of the members still live there. The house has meeting places, offices, a kitchen, and is just in general a place for people to hang out and be social. The thrift shop is pretty self explanatory, that's where I presume they make the majority of their income.

It was an odd experience being around so many people who have disorders and disabilities that are much more extreme that my own, and I think some of my fellow volunteers felt similarly. It was very clear that all of the members had a normal underlying self and personality, but there's was some barrier or difference that changes them in unfortunate ways.

The house had an upright piano wich of course I ended up at during our lunch break! Many of the same RAs from the Pachelbel post were with me at the piano, too. We talked about music theory some, discussing the difference between major, minor, and diminished triads and what exactly a seventh chord is. One of the members came over and talked to us a bit. Because of the barriers, I wasn't sure exactly what he said, but he definitely asked to sit down at the piano. He talked about listening to the radio and how he hasn't had much inspiration for a while. He mumbled something that didn't make a whole lot of sense about tuning and playing in band, so I was slightly skeptical when told me he was going to play me a pop song. He proved my ignorance when he began playing a beautiful chord progression right in front of me, complete with inversions and sharps and flats and everything beautiful. It made me remember that music is a part of all of us, and is a form of communication that bridges lingual and cultural and even disability barriers. I felt that I could experience the person he truly was, despite the differences in the way our minds work.



The video unfortunately doesn't have sound, but perhaps it's still interesting to watch.