iPod frustration

Hello friends! I haven't posted for a while I know, but I found a Graph on Graph Jam I wanted to share:


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Life in Constant Motion

I have come to the realization that constantly twitching all the time has created a certain "microculture" to my life. That's a dumb word. I'm sure there's a better one, like idiosyncrasies or nuances or something like that... but for now, microculture works fine. Some of these things I've known for a while, and some of them are new to me; I thought it would be interesting to write them all down in one place.

Charlene pointed out the other day that I tend to be rather rough with things in general - I sit in chairs roughly, I put down forks and knives loudly, and so on. Now granted, I have always been one to wear things out quickly and not treat things quite as gently as I could. However I am convinced that this is exacerbated by the fact that my body is always doing crazy things. I'm not graceful by the nature of my disorder - I yank my head so hard that I crack my neck pretty often. About once every couple days I have such a severe tic that I temporarily loose my balance. I think that the violent nature of my involuntary movements carry over to my voluntary ones, in that I'm not as aware of voluntary disruptive behaviors because I am constantly being disrupted by involuntary ones.

Also I've found that I am always doing some kind of continuous motion voluntarily, either slowly shaking my leg or nodding my head or something to that effect. It's so much nicer to be disrupted by a tic while I'm moving a bit than from a dead standstill. Also, if I have some sort of internal rhythm or tempo going on, the timing of the tics are slightly more predictable. This constant movement may give the illusion that I am being particularly ADD (which might also play a part) or bored, when the fact is that I'm just trying to make things easier for myself.

I've known for a long time that I'm not gonna win any staring contests any time soon. Wait around a few seconds and I'll have some tic that either makes me throw my eyes away or close them altogether. It slowly donned on me some time ago that I can't keep eye contact with anybody for very long. Whenever I'm looking somebody in the eye (I've experimented) and I have a tic, by the time I get back to where they are their eyes have left and are somewhere else. This is predictable, but still slightly distressing all the same.

In my Chem 102 class last semester, I used to sit in the front row of the class. I had introduced myself to the professor previously, and he would make eye contact with me often during his lecture. Sometimes he would look at me for a few seconds, sometimes more. I started doing secret tests to see what caused him to look away. Sometimes I would wait as long as I could before twitching, and he would hold eye contact for ten to fifteen seconds. The times I would fake a twitch almost as soon as he looked at me, and he would look away immediately.

This has nothing to do with him as an individual, it just goes to show how much my tics affect normal life. Eye contact is a very important thing, especially in close conversations, yet I physically can't keep it for very long. Times that I have been able to hold it for what I normally think of as a normal, reasonable amount of time for eye contact, I've felt uncomfortable. I wish I could keep eye contact, because I think that's very important when you're trying to discuss something important.

Lastly, I tend to point things out about other people perhaps more often than I should. I'm not sure if I see them more, or if I just say them. For example, I'll point somebody out to a friend and say "look at how that person is walking, kind of pigeon toed," or even "that person has a big face." Now obviously this is not anything I would tell anybody directly (and would only say to close friends like Charlene), just an observation about somebody else's body that happened to catch my eye and interest me. I am totally aware that physical characteristics have no indication about a person's character, and I'm sure there's probably a very logical explanation in many cases. Charlene and others have told me not to point such things out before, and have said "look at that kid twitching," as if to give me perspective. But the fact is, people do say "look at that kid twitching," and I am fully aware of that. I am also comfortable enough with myself to know that I am more than a twitch and that if I were to get to know those people, they would learn to accept me based on my personality and not my Tourette's. People that would judge based on my TS, well, I don't want to be their friend anyway. That is why I feel comfortable saying "that person has a very thin nose" and know that I am not judging that person. But, other people do not have that same comfort so I ought to be more careful.

That's it for now. It's interesting to see how a disorder can cause indirect effects on a person psychologically. I wish I could see myself from a third-person point of view to get a better view of these things.... oh well!

Prayer

A few days ago, a man walked up to me on campus. He couldn’t have been much older than I, black, clean but clearly not well off. He made eye contact with me from far away, and made sure to get my attention with a smile and a wave. He came up and introduced himself politely but quickly. He explained to me that he lived in the shelter down the street, did I know where it was? No? Well, it’s down the street aways. He’s trying to get himself back on his feet, he’s trying to get a job but needed to get to Henderson to talk to somebody about it. He didn’t go into extreme detail, but what he said sounded somewhat reasonable. Anyway, Triangle Transit Authority didn’t run down there, and he’s trying to get down there. I explained I would love to help him but don’t have a car. He really needed to get down there he said, and would be willing to pay someone to help him but didn’t have any money. I was clearly aware of the lonely dollar bill in my wallet, but I knew it’s never a good idea to pull out your wallet near a person asking for money.

He talked to me a bit more, and I began to kind of like him a bit. He said he liked my hat, that it matches some boots he has. I decided that he could probably use the one dollar I had on me more than I could, so taking a small step back and keeping an eye on all his movements, I took my wallet out and handed him my dollar, quickly putting my wallet back in my pocket. He didn’t do anything shady (other than ask for money in the first place), but it was protocol. He seemed a little disappointed with the sum, but thankful all the same. I gave him a firm hand shake, looked him in the eye, and told him how glad I was that he’s getting back on his feet, and that I was proud of him. He reacted a little strangely to my gesture; he either was lying about his story and felt some guilt, or had never been shown that kind of humanity. Either way it doesn’t change the end result, so I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume the latter.

I don’t know who this man was or whether he was lying or not. I don’t know if a dollar actually helped him get what he was looking for or not. A fellow human outstretched a hand to me in what I decided was genuine need. This is the best I can do to pray – do my best to help people and spread as much love as I can. This may not seem like prayer to most, but I personally find it more spiritually gratifying than reciting words in my head or out loud to an ambiguous deity.

The next day I was at Qdoba with Charlene when I saw the man walk by the window. He looked in at me, smiled, and waved.

Amen.

Such Great Differences

Hey! This is a paper I just wrote for my Intro to Rock and Roll class. Enjoy!

Such Great Differences

Background sounds and music play a crucial role in the perception of what they are accompanying. The weight this phenomenon can be experienced by muting the television during an epic battle scene, or during the climactic kiss of a romance movie. Without the music that guides our hearts through our ears, the intense potential for powerful emotions dies into uncertain monotony. Another example of how much music affects perception can be found in the original and cover version of the song “Such Great Heights” by The Postal Service and Iron & Wine respectively. Each group applies different music to the same poetic lyrics to create unique performances with different meanings.

The Postal Service’s original version of the song begins with an electronic intro, presumably played on a synthesizer. The timbre of each note is almost a plain sine wave, heavily panned either to the left or right, immediately grabbing the listener’s attention and creating somewhat of a futuristic pop sort of feel. While this synthesizer part reoccurs later in the song, it does not clearly define the chord structure of the song and ends as soon as the vocal part begins. When the singer belts out the opening lyrics (0:41), his strong and confident tone quality seem to reinforce the futuristic and youthful nature of the song.

In contrast to the energetic electronics of The Postal Service’s original introduction, the cover done by Iron & Wine begins with a finger picked guitar playing the same part and chord progression it will play for the duration of the song. When I first heard this song, the soothing guitar instantly reminded me of the soft lullabies my father used to play to me as a child. While my own specific personal experiences are no doubt unique, the cover introduction is unquestionably much more relaxed than the original. This lullaby feel is further enhanced by the singer’s mature voice that sings almost as soft as a whisper, but just loud enough to have a pitch.

There is a special emphasis in both versions of the song on a particular set of measures in each of the verses; the first example of which is heard on the lyrics “mirror images” (TPS-0:46, I&W-0:32). In The Postal Service’s original, the note doesn’t fit into the chord structure of the song and jumps out to the listener like a weed in an otherwise clean-cut yard. In the Iron & Wine cover version, the very same phrase is smoother, yet the singer not only uses a more chordal pitch but also employs melismas and other pleasing musical devices that aren’t heard anywhere else in the song. Both versions produce significance to the very same phrase, but the ways in which they go about doing so create a different kind of importance to each.

As mentioned above, The Postal Service makes much use of electronics and studio technology. In fact, the phrases of the verses overlap by a beat, forcing the singer to sound two pitches at once. For example, in the line “…when we kiss they're perfectly aligned/and I have to speculate…” (0:49) the word “aligned” happens on the same beat as the words “And I.” Therefore, these phrases could not realistically be sung by one person in a live setting. Iron & Wine changes the rhythm of these words slightly so that this is not a problem for a lone singer; however despite the seeming intention to stick to the bare acoustic basics it is clear that overdubbing was used because a breath is audible during the word “aligned” (0:39). A small detail, yet an easy recording studio fix. This inclusion was probably intentional, perhaps a foreshadowing of overdubbed harmonies yet to come.

Both versions of the song have staggered instrumental entrances, but the effect is more prevalent in The Postal Service’s version. The song begins with the synthesized blips, soon underscored by a bass line (0:21). The drums begin to fade in (0:25) – an uncommon entrance for any percussion – while the blips fade out, leading way to the vocal entrance (0:41). In the Iron & Wine cover, the vocal entrance (0:20) is the only obvious entrance of sorts, with the exception of the mandolin solo at the end. Closer listening will reveal vocal harmonies layered into the cover as the song progresses, the first of which enters on the second phrase of the first verse (1:01). It is interesting that Iron & Wine would choose to include these harmonies in their acoustic cover, because they are not present in the original. The harmonies are soft and gentle and seem to give the voice an almost dreamy, angelic quality; as if the listener is drifting off to sleep and the harmonies are part of a dream. This makes the lyrics seem to be about flying to “such great heights” in a dream world rather than a futuristic one. As the dream continues the harmonies become more and more involved until they become a whole new instrument (3:43) is embodied by the dream in the form of a mandolin.

Cues for how to interpret the songs can be found in the music videos that the bands produce. The Postal Service’s music video for “Such Great Heights” depicts moving robotic parts and a male and a female astronaut. Based on initial impressions, one might think that this is a word play on the title and nothing more. On closer inspection, many of the scenes seem to have a strong sexual connotation: various robotic insertions and pulsations (0:43, 1:21, 1:28, 2:17, 2:55), subtle crotch shots (1:02), and machine parts that oddly seem to resemble human breasts (0:45) are only a few of the sexual suggestions within the music video. By contrast, Iron & Wine does not have a music video available. This could be due to a lack of funding, but is not likely as the group Confide has a music video for their cover of the song, even though their version is much less popular than the other two. Perhaps Iron & Wine chose not to produce a music video in order to maintain the dreamy, imaginative quality that makes their version so unique. While the material in these videos cannot be experienced solely by listening to the song, it suggests what the artists might have had in mind when they wrote and recorded the songs.

Although both songs use the very same lyrics and almost the same melody, the musical accompaniment drastically changes the meaning of each song. The Postal Service’s original is a ballad of youthful euphoric love, while the stylistic differences in Iron & Wine’s cover turn the same song into a dreamy lullaby. This was achieved by a variations in methods including instrumentation, melody, and vocal qualities. Each artist took the same poetic lyrics and by changing only the musical qualities, created such great differences.

Severine Neff

I just want to write a little bit about how much I appreciate my music theory professor, Dr. Severine Neff. Dr. Neff is one of the nicest professors I have met at this campus, and her passion for music and teaching it to others is very apparent through her teaching style. She plays piano beautifully, but only plays when necessary to illustrate key points in the lesson. She is very patient, and is open to trying new things to help us learn the concepts - something that cannot be said of many. After spending three semesters with her, Dr. Neff has completely changed the way I write and listen to music.

Props to you, Dr. Neff!

I am now a trumpet player!

Yesterday marked my first performance on trumpet. We had our opening game of the season versus the Citadel, who we demolished 40-6. It was an awesome experience - I went from barely knowing the fingerings of trumpet to standing in front of a stadium full of people! Granted, I still suck at trumpet but I'm getting a lot better and I'm having a lot of fun. It's awesome! Sorry for the short post, but that's really all I got right now...

Vision

Today in my RA class, we discussed the differences between visions and goals and how each of those are different in each other's lives. As an exercise, everyone wrote down thier vision in marker on a sheet of paper. This vision could be something we wanted to change at the university level or nationwide or globally. We taped these sheets of paper on the wall, then everybody got the chance to read the visions and give feedback by writing things down on post-it notes and placing those on the wall next to the visions.

I wrote that my vision was to "spread advocacy and awareness about Tourette Syndrome, changing the stereotype." After class, I looked through the notes people had left on my vision. I waded through the various notes, all of them positive and one or two that were illegible. One post-it stood out to me. It said: "Your story is being used to change the lives of others. Very encouraging to me!"

I don't know who in the class of fifteen wrote this note, and I don't know if they know me or know my story at all. But, the note touched me because it reassured me that what I'm doing is not going unnoticed. That my blog actually has a purpose, that the hardships I go through now will translate to less stressful situations for others in the future. I taped the post it onto my laptop right next to the touchpad so that I can see it everyday.

Mixed Meter

In my Intro to Rock and Roll class, we discussed the idea of mixed meter. A basic explanation for mixed meter is when the count changes throughout the song. Normally, you can count "1 2 3 4, 1 2 3 4" or "1 2 3, 1 2 3," all the way through a song. In mixed meter, this changes and you might find "1 2 3 4, 1 2 3, 1 2 3 4."

Here are some of my favorite songs featuring mixed meter:

• All You Need is Love by The Beatles. This one is a mixed-meter standard. They usually alternate between 3/4 and 4/4 time, but sometimes they fake you out. Listen to it and try to count along!
• Barracuda by Heart. This song is mostly in 4/4 time, but especially in the second half the Heart sisters throw in bars of 3/4 time. Very cool!
• Blue Rondo A La Turk by the Dave Brubeck Quartet. Masters of rhythm and timing, these guys have a real excersice in time signatures on this one. This song has three bars of 9/8 time grouped into four beats (2+2+2+3) followed by one measure of 9/8 grouped into three beats (3+3+3). Cool stuff.
• Zombie Woof by Frank Zappa. I have absolutley no idea what's going on in the intro to this song, but I deffinitely suggest listening to it and appreciating how coordinated the musicians are!
• Africa by Toto. This one is a little harder to catch - subtle, if you will. Each time the reoccuring musical statement is played throughout the song, there's a bar of 2/4. If you're counting, you should count something like this: 1 2 3 4, 1 2 3 4, 1 2, 1 2 3 4, 1 2 3 4