I have Tourette Syndrome, a neurological condition that causes me to make involuntary movements or make involuntary noises called tics.
I've had to say that so many times. Sometimes I have to say it because something awkward happens; sometimes because I can just see people wanting to ask but just can't. It's so relieving when you meet someone that CAN ask! It's unbelievable how many can't.
Whenever I tell a new person about my disorder there's always a moment - a moment of waiting, waiting for the next tic to come. Waiting for my Tourette's to bubble up again and prove it's existence, waiting to see what they have to say in response. Sometimes they tell me that they never would have noticed, or that it's not that bad. Some even ask me if I've ever tried to stop! Oh, how I have.
You know what really gets me, though? It gets me when people think that what they see in movies and on TV is real - or even worse, funny. People tell me all the time that I should yell things just so that I can blame it on my Tourette's and get away with it. Some even have the nerve to tell me they wish they had Tourette's just so that they could do that!
But I am stronger than that because I know how special stillness is. Every second of silence that I get to spend in my ever-moving body is a gift; every single chosen word a blessing. I appreciate how wonderful it is to say "shit" or "bitch" when only that one word fits the situation. And to those people, I mean it with every single ounce of my voluntary being when I choose to say: Fuck you.
It is my right to cope to my Tourette's how I choose to. It is my right to not explain why I tic or how it feels if I choose not to. It is my right, but not my privilege, to remain silent.
