As for a bit of background, by now you know that I did not have Tourette's all my life, but rather acquired it suddenly in high school. I've always thought of it as that I got the easy; middle and elementary school are the really formative years, and lucky for me I didn't' have to deal with peers picking on my based on my TS all the time. In fact, I've even felt some shame because of that - who am I to join support groups, when I got to skip what is arguably the most difficult part of a Touretter's life? People are always surprised when they find out I haven't had it all my life, and when I tell them I always feel like I loose 16 years worth of credibility. Today I realized that isn't necessarily true.
Earlier, I was hanging out with two friends who were doing some homework. One friend was a guy who sometimes has a rather rough demeanor but always has a good heart; I think of him as a particularly masculine individual. The other was a young woman with a very unique, almost maternal personality. I was telling them about the guy I had met with facial tics in my Comp Sci class. They were both surprised and somewhat entertained at how genuinely excited I was when I saw his tics. I explained to them that I had never met anybody else with Tourette Syndrome, and that after everything that's happened, no wonder I'm excited when I see someone else who might have had similar experiences! The male friend said "I know how you feel. Actually... I don't. But, I can guess." When he said this, I was a bit confused and said that I didn't mind him saying "I know how you feel" even if he didn't actually have TS, and that it actually meant a lot to me in the first place.
After a moment, he said (and of course this is paraphrased, based on my crummy memory) "You know... I was thinking. I always thought that Tourette's was something you had all your life; but it seems like it would be harder how it happened to you." Even though I understood what he was saying and could predict what was coming next, I was confused. I had never thought of it that way before; also, he was beginning to tear up, which is even more confusing. "I have so much respect for you - I can't imagine what it must be like to do everything that you do even though that happened to you. I don't know what I would do." At this point, he was choking up and covering his eyes with his hand. "So when I say 'I know how you feel...' I really don't."
And with that he finished. I was speechless and he was embarrassed (which is why I've done my best to tell the story without revealing identity as best as possible. I hope I've written it well enough that he could read it and feel good about it.). There were a few moments of silence, and he left for the bathroom. When he was left, I didn't know what to say or do. "That's... never happened before" I said. "Really?" said the second friend, "because that's what everybody thinks."
I was blown away. Still am, actually. I never thought of myself as much of a fighter or anything like that, or even that my unusual onset of TS was any more difficult or inspirational or different than the 'normal' case. Especially when the second friend echoed his sentiment, I felt thrown into a whole new setting.
Many people have told me that my struggle with TS is motivating, but it never struck me like this before. I feel like I just found out I'm some strange kind of hero, but didn't quite realize what all was entailed. People I consider my equals or even superiors look up to me... valleys are mountains and mountains aren't really what you thought they were in the first place. Wow.
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