Words of Wisdom From Severine Neff

Today, I went to talk to a professor about my performance in her class. I had not been doing as well as I know I could have been, and because I often ended up coming to class late or turning in homework late for various reasons, I wanted to apologize. I went to her office and explained there had been some complicated things happening this semester and that she really was one of my favorite professors (I've even mentioned her in my blog before!)

She seemed surprised, and hadn't recognized any of the problems I was apologizing for; in fact she thought I was looking a lot better than the beginning of the semester when I looked exhausted and worn out every day! She said that it was clear that I understood the material and that's what she cared about most. She said things happen in life, and you just go on, it's nothing to worry about. As you get older you just get better at handling them... or not even, you just learn to handle them and life goes on. Then she said something very powerful - I'll do my best to quote: "Things in life often don't make sense... that's why we study music theory, because it can't be explained." This was so powerful to hear from someone who I think is so incredibly intelligent about music, and I just had to write about it so that it wouldn't be forgotten.

The Story of Crosasaurus Rex

Hello Hello!! Tonight I performed 'The Story of Crosasaurus Rex' for the Music 143 class. I don't have the video footage from the actual dealio ready yet, but I'll tell ya what happened: I showed videos on the screen while I sorta stood there/acted it out. There was a little story line that went along with it. Here are the three videos I used, one of which you've seen before and two are totally brand new!!

Crosasaurus Rex

I have officially adopted a persona, and that is Crosasaurus Rex. I will be performing as such on Sunday for the first time; wish me luck! Here's the lyrics to a song I wrote for the character:

Less Than Love

Crosasaurus Rex, 10/26/09

Look at those two people,

Huddled with their arms

Embracing each other.

Look at those two people.

Battling the lonely cold,

They only have their bodies

To keep them warm,

Battling the lonely cold.

++++++

Can two people truly share

Warmth against the chill,

Can two people share warmth?

When she looks at him,

What does she see?

When he looks at her,

Is all he sees only

Warmth against the chill?

+++++++

Is this love, or is it less?

Does this satisfy my hunger?

Is this love, or is it less?

Can I do this any longer?

But it’s cold and lonely

In the deep dark night,

Can I do this any longer,

Is this less than love?

+++++++

When they listen, what do they hear?

Wrapped together in music,

Together in music, what do they hear?

Melodies and harmonies,

They solo together in unison.

What will happen next?

They silently wonder aloud.

+++++++

Is this love, or is it less?

Will this quench my thirst?

Is this love, or is it less?

Do I feel better or feel worse?

But it’s so cold and lonely

In the deep dark night,

Do I feel better or feel worse?

+++++++

Is this less than love?

Two lovers sat on a park bench,

With their bodies touching.

Too old for play,

Too young to die,

Together they’ll try

To make it to heaven.

Impulse Control

I'm sitting at the Raleigh Durham Airport, waiting for my flight out to Cincinnati. I'm going to meet up with my parents and family up there for Thanksgiving (which is today). I've been rather twitchy lately it seems. My tics seem a bit stronger in trying to break to the surface. It's hard to find a pattern with these damn things, but I think I got it figured out now. I experience more tics when I'm upset about something that happened related to Tourette's. The more I think about the situation and how frustrated I am with both my TS and people's reactions to it, the more I twitch.

I often forget that TS is misunderstood even by friends. The of closest friends often say they forget I even have TS, or will mention they haven't noticed me tic even though I've totally been twitching, they're just so used to it they don't notice. It's the medium friends that I'm talking about; the ones you see on a regular basis (say, in class) but don't really hang out with much.

Now I'm known among friends for being the wacky, random, unpredictable one. That's a personality trait, not a product of TS. The other day in music theory class I was having a conversation with a friend, when I doodled something silly (a penis) on her paper. She got kinda pissed (understandably) and began to erase it. I said "my bad... you know me, no impulse control." She replied with something along the lines of "there you go, blaming your Tourette's." I was confused at first, but realized she was talking about the impulse control comment.

When I get upset I usually get quiet (which sucks) and that's what happened here. Impulse control implies some quick idea you get but keep from doing, or at least that's how I understand it. She made the connection of Tourette's, which is false. Is that what people think of Tourette's? Like the father in Front of the Class, is the thought that "Tourette's" means that these are little jokes, little things that could be controlled with concentration? I know that not everybody thinks that, but I've known this person for so long, could she really think that I want to shake my head, twitch my arms, and do all that stuff? Does she think I think it's funny? I don't know, I just don't get it. I guess I'll talk to her about it.

Rent

Today I saw the musical "Rent," performed by Company Carolina at Forest Theater at UNC. Members of the cast included my community director (boss) as Mark, a friend as Joanne, and a fellow RA as well as a Phi Mu Alpha brother in the ensemble. The production was amazing, and yours truly even began to tear up at a few places!! It was performed in an amphitheater - I was uncertain of the quality of the show when I heard the venue, but it ended up working very well. Sometimes the audio was a bit off; the band had a tendency to overpower the vocalists.

Earlier today was the last home football game of the season. We defeated Miami - I would tell you the score but quite frankly I'm there for the music not the football so I don't even remember! It was fun, and going to see Rent was a perfect way to end the day.

Shalom!

Drum Circle!

Today was the most AMAZING THING HAPPENED EVARRR OMG!!

RAs put on monthly programs to benefit the residents of the building. Typically these programs have an educational or social theme to them. This month, my program was a Drum Circle! With help and funding from Community Government, I got my friend and teacher Matt Savage, the UNC Marching Percussion instructor and nationally known drum guru, to lead a drum circle with residents. We set out about thirty chairs, and Matt brought enough drums and other percussion for upwards of sixty or seventy. He brought everything from djembes to cowbells to paddle drums to tambourines - it was incredible. Everybody had a great time letting loose! We estimated that within an hour of drum circle, between seventy and a hundred people played drums at any point (many people stopped by for a few minutes and left), and just as many or even more enjoyed the music and danced from the building. A lot of people showed up, including a reporter from the Daily Tar Heel.

That's Matt in the center. I'm in the bright yellow shirt and

light blue hat on the bottom part of the circle, on the outer row.

This was super exciting to me because the reaction was so absolutely positive. Many of the Community Government members and other RAs told me this was the best turnout to a program they had seen! I think that what added to the program's success was it's easy-going and loud nature. People walking from Ram's Head to any other south campus dorm passed us, and could join if they wanted to. It was so epic.

After the drum circle was over, I went up to Matt to thank him for putting on such an awesome event. I was so overwhelmed with the success of the event that I could barely even say anything; I think I said "Thank you so much for.... that was.... I just... I'm soo.....ecstatic that I can't... I can't even make good sentences!!!"

What was amazing to me was how everybody knew exactly what to do once they got started. Yeah, people were shy, but once they started playing, the rhythm took over. Everyone was able to find and keep the beat. Even with so many people playing, the music didn't rush or drag. Matt did a great job of communicating with the group what to play, even though he never actually explained what he meant. For example, when Matt jumped, everyone knew to hit the drum really loudly - he never explained, everybody just knew. As a 'grand finale,' Matt had everybody stand up and come into the center while drumming - it was this intense jumble of human connection, because people in the group didn't necessarily know each other, but all were contributing to the same music. It was such an exhilarating experience not only to be a part of but also to be able to put that on. I hope there's a next time!

Where the Wild Thangs At?

Fall break is this weekend, and I've got fun stuff to report!

Thursday was the first full day of break, and it was spent almost entirely with the marching band. I woke up about half an hour late (again) to a distressed call from my section captain and close fraternity brother, Dave. I got there in time for the sound-check in the stadium, which consisted of standing in place while the sound technician got things set up for the band, Liquid Pleasure, that we were backing up at half-time.

Afterwards, my buddy Schmitty came over and helped me loft my bed. We put the mattress just as high as it would go! See, I hope to counter my oversleeping problem by hiding my bed from myself. I rearranged my desk and drums and other stuff in a very space-efficient way. I also discovered how to plug my amp directly into my computer for recording purposes... do you see as much potential as I do?!? Exciting things to come.

After that I went to the football game, which went fine. ESPN was filming the game and I almost (did) missed a step-off watching the spider-like Skycam gizmo zip over my head! The half-time show was pretty cool, we hosted the Chapel-Hill rooted band Liquid Pleasure. They're a party band that's made it pretty big along the East Coast, and have been around for almost thirty years. They did vocals while we played the rest, and it was a pretty good show. They came out in Carolina Blue sequin coats, which was simultaneously awesome and comical! Oh yeah, and there was football there, too. It was a really good game... for the other team. I don't really know first hand what happened because - let's face it - I'm only there for the band! Yeah.

The next day (Friday) my bed proved successful, as I forgot to turn off my 8:00 alarm: I stayed up since getting back in bed would be more effort than it was worth. I had a nice, uneventful day... I went to Ye Olde Waffle Shoppe, a place I'd wanted to go for a long time with another RA, Anish. I went to the gym for like the third time in my life ever with Bruce, after which we met up with Noah and a guy I hadn't met before to eat at [B]Ski's, where I proceeded to make lame jokes to the waitress.

Mom picked me up that night and we checked into a hotel in Raleigh. We were going to go camping, but the weather was just too depressing for that. Today (by which I mean Saturday) we spent the day at the NC Museum of Natural Science, which was AWESOME!! I LOVE going to museums with Mom, we're both as nerdy as a high-school science teacher and her offspring!

Oh wait...

CROSASAURUS REX ATTACK, AAAGGHHHH!!!!!

Before we went to the Museum, we went to this awesome place called Big Ed's, where I drank a bit too much coffee (it was sooo good!) At the museum this made my tics rather strong. I was a little nervous with all the little kids around for two reasons; either a rare coprolalic outburst would create a very awkward situation, or - more likely - I would whack one of them in the face with my audio-tour! No worries though, the angst of the TS was far outweighed by the sheer magnitude of visiting a huge science museum with Mom! Did I mention she's a high-school science teacher?

After the museum, we decided to go relive a bit of my childhood by going to see Where the Wild Things Are (spoilers ahead). It started out fine, by showing a harsh reality that the protagonist (Max) lived in. There was perhaps a bit too much with this reality - a stressed out single mother with a boyfriend who didn't know when to keep out of a tense family moment, an apathetic sister hanging out with like, four dudes... yeah. So whatever, I was waiting for the good part where he hangs out with all the Wild Things. After a terrifying (yet clearly imagined) boat-trip to the island, Max encounters a group of Wild Things who are frustrated with their current situation. They make him his king, everything seems close to the book, and I'm getting excited with this real-life rendition of happy childhood memories. Unfortunately it took a really dark turn and instead of being an imaginative escapist delight, it became a chilling reminder that human faults and imperfections are inescapable, even in one's own imagination. The book ended with things wrapping up in a positive ending, but the movie ended with things in a pile of depressing loose ends. After the movie, Mom and I went to Borders to read the real book again and restore my childhood.

So after our adventures in Raleigh, mom and I took a trip by the Food Lion to get some ice cream (which we devoured at the hotel) and now she's asleep and I'm blogging. Tomorrow we're planning on going to a state park or something along those lines to make some of the camping food that she brought but that we ended up not using. I'm really happy now, things are going well.

Thanks for reading!

Me