Poppa K

The Carolina Union Activities Board recently put on the third annual Air Guitar Competition. The object of the competition is to pantomime playing playing guitar and to get into rocker character and go crazy. There were about seven participants, two of which were PMA brothers. They competed under the names "Mystery Meat" and "Prisoner 2013100" (Prisoner 2 for short). In the first round of competition, the contestants performed a 60-second bit they had rehearsed and prepared. For the second round, they were given a clip they had not heard beforehand and had to play along.


In the small group that showed up (it was snowing that day), most people were aware of an older couple in the audience who seemed to be having just as good a time as the students. They were... I'm guessing in their sixties? Anyway. After the last round of the competition, the emcee asked the couple "So... do you guys have a kid here or something?" The man responded no. "You just walked in off the street?" Something like that. "Do you wanna give it a shot?" Of course! "What's your rocker name?" A brief pause... then the man replied:

"My name. Is Poppa K."

He got up on stage, took of his shoes, picked up his invisible guitar and strapped it over his shoulder. He gave the cue to the sound guy and the music began. Where the other air guitar players had gone wild, Poppa K took it slow and worked the guitar soft and smooth. The song was a sort of fountain of youth for him as he got more and more into it. The crowd went wild; college kids always love seeing people their parent's age doing the dumb shit they find fun! The song drew to a close and in a brilliant flash of youthfulness, Poppa K surprised everyone by jumping off the three-foot stage toward the judges. As he landed, the thud echoed through the stunned silence in the room. Once the crowd realized he had not been seriously injured, they cheered and applauded and went crazier than they had for any of the other participants!

"Did you hurt your foot doing that?" asked the emcee.

"Oh hell yes I did!" Poppa K responded as he limped across the audience to his wife.

At the end of the air guitar competition, they played 'Free Bird' and invited everyone to air-guitar along.

Mystery Meat won the competition, the prize for which was a $100 check. I gotta say, Prisoner 2 gets special kudos for staying in a very difficult character for a period of about three hours, much of that time being spent in a straight jacket! Myself and three other PMA guys helped Poppa K get to his car after the competition. He said that if he could have done it again, he would've jumped off the stage again, too. He had a blast - and you know what? I did too. Here's some pics I lifted from Facebook:

Mystery Meat

Prisoner 2

The Emcee, Paul, Me, Stanley, Poppa K, and Mystery Meat rockin out to Free Bird

New Guys

It's that time of year when Phi Mu Alpha is beginning the pledge process for a group of new guys. In fact, official installation of the potentials to probationary members is tonight! I wanted to write about an incredible experience involving both the potentials and the brothers. On Saturday, we delivered bids (which are formal invitations to join PMA as a probationary member aka pledge) and asked them to meet us in the Hill Hall auditorium at 10:00 PM if they wished to accept the offer. As it got close to 10:00, I hitched a ride to Hill Hall in a carfull of brothers and potentials. The energy between everyone was tangible, as everyone was curious to see who was going to be there!

When we got to Hill, the group I rode up with stood in the rotunda outside the auditorium chatting with some brothers. I thought I heard faint singing coming from the auditorium, but I couldn't see anyone in there. When I went to investigate, I found a group of about four or five brothers and a potential or two standing around a brother playing piano backstage. They were singing "Piano Man" which carries significance to my own pledge class. I joined in, and as the song progressed more and more joined in. By the end of the song, there were probably twenty to thirty men all standing with their arms around each other, belting out "SING US A SONG, YOU'RE THE P'ANO MAN!!!" It was a great bonding experience having everyone join in like that!

After a while we all congregated on the stage and began to discuss where we were going to eat for dinner to celebrate. For some reason that's still unknown to me, somebody started clapping a rhythm; it was a rhythm similar to the one in John Fogerty's song, Centerfield. Somebody started clapping the off beats, and I started making sixteenth notes in between the eighth notes. The next thing you know, everyone was clapping and stomping their own rhythm. It was an impromptu drum circle, and everyone had a blast just playing whatever rhythm came to them. It went on for several long energy-filled minutes. When it finally fizzled out, everyone applauded each other and asked "What the hell was that, what just happenened!?"

I'm excited to begin the pledge process with these guys, we have a really impressive group of guys. I think that the two spontaneous musical events that happened up on that stage show just how strong of a music fraternity Phi Mu Alpha Sinfonia is, and what it always will be.

Friends

At this point in the new semester, I’ve had a lot of interesting interactions with people. Most importantly, I’ve had some very deep and moving one-on-one conversations with a two friends and a two Phi Mu Alpha brothers about life. These people have shown me very deep and very personal parts of their lives; until they told me, I hadn’t realized the significance that I have in their lives, and they in mine.

I am in the process of planning a somewhat large discussion about Tourette Syndrome on the 27th in the building where I’m an RA. I am inviting people to come hear my story and ask questions; “no question is too big, too small, or too personal.” Usually when the subject of Tourette’s comes up in conversation, people are very interested and have a lot of questions to ask, so I believe that the event will be a success. This will give people a venue to ask a lot of the questions they’ve always wondered and fix misperceptions they may have, and I’m glad for the opportunity!

In the process, certain characteristics of people have bubbled to the surface that I’ve been surprised to see. I remember having a conversation with someone when I first developed TS about the social implications. This person (I think it may have been my mother, but I don’t remember) said in a positive way “I bet this will show you who your true friends are.” At the time, the statement disturbed me because it hadn’t really crossed my mind that any of my friendships would change because of my newly acquired movement disorder; and as much as I can remember, none of them really did.

However, I am reminded of this statement at this point in time not because I recognize who my “real friends” are, but I recognize which ones are mature and which ones have some catching up to do. In high-school, it was common for people to suggest that I fake TS symptoms such as coprolalia for fun (the one time I faked for fun ended up being a bad experience, but that’s a completely different story). That doesn’t happen much in college anymore, especially since I treat both my TS and myself with more respect and understanding than I did in high school.

The vast majority of people at UNC are willing to accept my TS the way that I present it to them, which is that it is a serious neurological disorder and the best way to react to it is to ignore it when possible and avoid it in conversation, unless there is a legitimate question about it. It’s very disappointing to me when someone doesn’t follow those basic customs, which to me seem inherent for any disability. Usually I’m willing to be understanding if someone makes an accidental joke or misinterpretation, but there are two things that really do offend me.

One I’ve already mentioned, when someone suggests that I curse during a “funny” time, such as in class, at somebody, etc. This tells me a few things about a person; they may or may not be true, but they probably are. First, they think naughty words are funny for the sake of vulgarity. Normally, curse words are offensive because of the strong meaning they imply; therefore, if said involuntarily they have no meaning. It’s like trying to start a fight with someone by pretending to punch someone but stopping an inch from their face and saying “just kidding – gotcha, though!” This person also misses the fact that TS just doesn’t feel good. People with TS pretty much just want it to stop already! Why make more tics than are already there? In fact, blurting noises or curse words in class is something that I have a good deal of anxiety over, and something that almost happens on almost a daily basis. So no, I will not blurt out curse words “for fun.”

The second offensive thing is when somebody assumes that I’m going to blame my TS for something silly but voluntary (I’ll admit that I’ve done it before in jest, but every time afterwards I feel like such a – for lack of a better word- whore). I’ll give an example that happened recently while having lunch with a friend. We were talking very casually, and I noticed that I was using a lot of curse words. Referencing that, I said a string of them in a very conversational way. The friend looked at me disapprovingly and said something along the lines of “oh what, so now you have cursing Tourette’s?” Perhaps this was a confusing situation for the friend, but I was taken off guard. I hadn’t been even thinking about my TS at all since the conversation began, so for him to suggest that I was going to make a joke about it hit a soft spot.

Since I’ve had the educational program coming up, so far I’ve been able to respond to two of these situations by inviting them to the program to learn more. It’s perfect, because the person realizes that I want them to learn more, and they feel obligated to come. Even if they don’t come, I still got my point across. With nothing else left to say, I’ll part with an approximate quote from the Hallmark movie about Tourette Syndrome, Front of the Class:

“The point of education is to wipe out ignorance with knowledge.”

Rent

Today I saw the musical "Rent," performed by Company Carolina at Forest Theater at UNC. Members of the cast included my community director (boss) as Mark, a friend as Joanne, and a fellow RA as well as a Phi Mu Alpha brother in the ensemble. The production was amazing, and yours truly even began to tear up at a few places!! It was performed in an amphitheater - I was uncertain of the quality of the show when I heard the venue, but it ended up working very well. Sometimes the audio was a bit off; the band had a tendency to overpower the vocalists.

Earlier today was the last home football game of the season. We defeated Miami - I would tell you the score but quite frankly I'm there for the music not the football so I don't even remember! It was fun, and going to see Rent was a perfect way to end the day.

Shalom!

Where the Wild Thangs At?

Fall break is this weekend, and I've got fun stuff to report!

Thursday was the first full day of break, and it was spent almost entirely with the marching band. I woke up about half an hour late (again) to a distressed call from my section captain and close fraternity brother, Dave. I got there in time for the sound-check in the stadium, which consisted of standing in place while the sound technician got things set up for the band, Liquid Pleasure, that we were backing up at half-time.

Afterwards, my buddy Schmitty came over and helped me loft my bed. We put the mattress just as high as it would go! See, I hope to counter my oversleeping problem by hiding my bed from myself. I rearranged my desk and drums and other stuff in a very space-efficient way. I also discovered how to plug my amp directly into my computer for recording purposes... do you see as much potential as I do?!? Exciting things to come.

After that I went to the football game, which went fine. ESPN was filming the game and I almost (did) missed a step-off watching the spider-like Skycam gizmo zip over my head! The half-time show was pretty cool, we hosted the Chapel-Hill rooted band Liquid Pleasure. They're a party band that's made it pretty big along the East Coast, and have been around for almost thirty years. They did vocals while we played the rest, and it was a pretty good show. They came out in Carolina Blue sequin coats, which was simultaneously awesome and comical! Oh yeah, and there was football there, too. It was a really good game... for the other team. I don't really know first hand what happened because - let's face it - I'm only there for the band! Yeah.

The next day (Friday) my bed proved successful, as I forgot to turn off my 8:00 alarm: I stayed up since getting back in bed would be more effort than it was worth. I had a nice, uneventful day... I went to Ye Olde Waffle Shoppe, a place I'd wanted to go for a long time with another RA, Anish. I went to the gym for like the third time in my life ever with Bruce, after which we met up with Noah and a guy I hadn't met before to eat at [B]Ski's, where I proceeded to make lame jokes to the waitress.

Mom picked me up that night and we checked into a hotel in Raleigh. We were going to go camping, but the weather was just too depressing for that. Today (by which I mean Saturday) we spent the day at the NC Museum of Natural Science, which was AWESOME!! I LOVE going to museums with Mom, we're both as nerdy as a high-school science teacher and her offspring!

Oh wait...

CROSASAURUS REX ATTACK, AAAGGHHHH!!!!!

Before we went to the Museum, we went to this awesome place called Big Ed's, where I drank a bit too much coffee (it was sooo good!) At the museum this made my tics rather strong. I was a little nervous with all the little kids around for two reasons; either a rare coprolalic outburst would create a very awkward situation, or - more likely - I would whack one of them in the face with my audio-tour! No worries though, the angst of the TS was far outweighed by the sheer magnitude of visiting a huge science museum with Mom! Did I mention she's a high-school science teacher?

After the museum, we decided to go relive a bit of my childhood by going to see Where the Wild Things Are (spoilers ahead). It started out fine, by showing a harsh reality that the protagonist (Max) lived in. There was perhaps a bit too much with this reality - a stressed out single mother with a boyfriend who didn't know when to keep out of a tense family moment, an apathetic sister hanging out with like, four dudes... yeah. So whatever, I was waiting for the good part where he hangs out with all the Wild Things. After a terrifying (yet clearly imagined) boat-trip to the island, Max encounters a group of Wild Things who are frustrated with their current situation. They make him his king, everything seems close to the book, and I'm getting excited with this real-life rendition of happy childhood memories. Unfortunately it took a really dark turn and instead of being an imaginative escapist delight, it became a chilling reminder that human faults and imperfections are inescapable, even in one's own imagination. The book ended with things wrapping up in a positive ending, but the movie ended with things in a pile of depressing loose ends. After the movie, Mom and I went to Borders to read the real book again and restore my childhood.

So after our adventures in Raleigh, mom and I took a trip by the Food Lion to get some ice cream (which we devoured at the hotel) and now she's asleep and I'm blogging. Tomorrow we're planning on going to a state park or something along those lines to make some of the camping food that she brought but that we ended up not using. I'm really happy now, things are going well.

Thanks for reading!

Me

The Next Day

I've got some good followup on my last post, as well as a little bit of clarification.

Now that my room is back in order and I've got an organized living space, I feel confident in picking up and going. I feel much more stable in daily life, waking up on time and getting to sleep at a reasonable hour. I would liken it to a stumble - you're off balance for a bit and it's not looking good, but then you quickly get your footing again and keep going. Remember that step I talked about in My Tourette's History Part III? I feel that I'm still going in that same direction. I'm not sure I can describe what direction I'm going in, or how to truly describe it if I did know.

One thing that I do know is that I'm in a new stage of life in terms of living and coping with my Tourette's. I feel more comfortable with who I am, and I feel less of a need to tell everybody and inform everybody and talk about it all the damn time. In fact, today I got a haircut. This may not seem significant, but for someone who moves their head spastically at unpredicted times, haircuts are rather intimidating! Today was the first time I got a haircut (done by somebody other than my mother) without warning the barber unnecessarily about my TS. In the past it hasn't really done anything other than confuse the person and it doesn't really do much to prevent the haircut from tic interference. Today, I didn't feel like telling the guy, so I didn't! It all worked out fine, except that I'm not really sure I like the haircut itself, because it kinda reminds me of the redneck guys from back home. The moral of that story is that old dudes are supposed to cut other old dudes's hair (I was the only one in there who wasn't balding). Women know what look good on men, and are more likely to deliver a good-looking hair cut. Or at least, that's my inference based on a single experience. Haircut:

As for the clarifaction of IFS4Y Day. CuteWithChris.com is a favorite blog of mine. He generally posts user-submitted pictures of themselves and their pets, as well as uploading a video update every so often. It's hard to describe really, because it's his somewhat cynical and snarky humor applied to various things that makes it so great. You should def check it out, although watch his YouTube videos first because they're more entertaining.

Often times people send him pictures of them after they hurt themselves or something along those lines, hoping for him to display their pictures out of pity. When people send him stuff like that, he generally makes fun of them and reminds them that International Feel Sorry For Yourself Day isn't until May 11th. In the video I linked, he starts complaining about his show, cuts himself off and says "Oh! I forgot - save it for International Feel Sorry For Yourself Day!" I included this reference in my last post sort of as a reminder to myself to stop worrying about it, because it's not May 11th! It's unnacceptable to feel sorry for yourself - unless, of course, it's International Feel Sorry For Yourself Day!!!

System Reset

Hello friends, I haven't posted in a while!

I've had a lot going on in my personal and academic life lately. I've been skipping classes, not doing homework, staying awake when I should be sleeping and sleeping when I shouldn't, and now that I think about it I haven't been eating on a regular schedule, either. An issue that's kept me offline is that my computer is all screwy, and even though Dell has replaced pretty much every functional piece of equipment, it's still acting up. They're sending a replacement computer, but apparently it will take "7 to 14 business days" to show up - great!

I guess you could say I am working on developing myself as an individual and establishing my sense of emotional independence. Sadly this involved splitting up with Charlene, but I have to take care of myself before I can truly care for somebody else. She has also taken the time to develop herself, which is something that is very relieving for me to know. I have set up a thing with Campus Counseling and Wellness Services to help me achieve this goal, and I look forward to living the future relatively on my own.

This weekend, as a symbolic gesture for my rearranging and restructuring my life, I felt the need to totally reorganize my living area. My first attempt at this fung-schway (spelled incorrectly as a joke)was largely unsuccessful in that I got my room torn apart just enough to realize that it would be a two-person job to finish or put it back. I was stuck with my room a total mess; not what I had in mind for restructuring my personal life! Tonight (four days after I tore up my room) various fraternity brothers stopped by to help me move things around and clean out all the junk that's piled up since I first moved in in May. That in itself seems to be foreshadowing for the future.

Well, dear Internet, I hear my newly repositioned bed calling my name. I have an early class tomorrow that I'd rather not go to (sorry Lisa!) and other things to get done. I know International Feel Sorry For Yourself Day (IFS4Y Day)isn't until May 12, so I hope this post isn't an early celebration; I've had a lot on my mind, and I know that my dear friend the Internet is always there to listen.

Cheers,
Michael

New Toy

I've been itching to play/have an electric guitar for a while, and opportunity knocked on my door last night. My fraternity brother just bought an Epiphone Les Paul and was getting rid of his old elecrtic. He gave me his Squier Strat for an amazingly awesome price. I love it soooo much!! I'm still working on transitioning (or would it be expanding?) from acoustic style to electric styles, and it feels great. by the way I've been trying to figure out exactly what color this is - some say blue, some say purple. What do you think??

Leb

Hello again! Today was the first day of classes for UNC's fall '09 semester, an exciting day indeed!

Two nights ago, I was with one of my fraternity brothers who was feeling down. After talking things out, we picked up guitars and made up a song on the spot. He played electric lead while I played rhythm on his steel six string; I was his support while he poured his heart out. It was an intense and deep moment, and we played for at least ten minutes without stopping or changing the music.

This particular brother is very spiritual, and has talked to me about what is called the 'language of the heart. ' I'm sure I'm not able to explain this nearly as well as he can, but it is not a spoken language, but more of a felt one. It is more of an abstract language about love rather than a language to write a shopping list or a play. In Hebrew, the word for this is "Leb." Although it does not specifically have to do with music, in that moment I felt the language of the heart between us. We didn't tell each other what was going on or what the other was going to play, but it worked and it was beautiful. I was so honored that I could be a part of that, and that we have the bond that allowed that to happen. Love - be it romantic or brotherly - is magnificent!

My Tourette's History, Part III

Pretty soon after the actual diagnosis of Tourette's, vocal tics began. Whether it was the power of suggestion or just the natural course of events is debatable, but it happened. They began as malformed unpredictable thoughts. For example, seeing my dog would make me think about having tics that sounded like a dog - a few minutes later I started growling and barking! It's a true story, I remember my poor dog looking so confused as to what was going on. In fact, I even remember beatboxing about 8 measures worth of music totally involuntarily!

After a while the vocal tics settled on a regular pattern of gibberish words. I'd blurt things like "tertabidable blibl!" and stuff like that. It was so odd because I always knew exactly what I had just said and even how one would go about spelling them, even though they were nonsensical words.

I remember the first day of my high school Senior English class, asking my teacher to let me stand up and explain my condition to the class. She had been planning an 'ice breaker' type thing anyway, so she let me go first. I stood up, told the class my name and favorite ice cream flavor, then said something along the lines of "I recently developed Tourette Syndrome. It's new to me, so I'm just as confused about it as you guys are. So you may hear me make noises and stuff, but that's just my Tourette's." I think a lot of people were particularly moved by the part about it being new to me, and all were understanding. In the same class, I did my final presentation about why disabilities awareness should be taught in public schools. As an example of what this might look like, I made a video explaining two disorders, Tourette Syndrome and Albinism. I explained Tourette Syndrome and an Albino friend of mine helped with the second part. When I gave my presentation in front of the class, everyone clapped really loudly and a few girls even started crying! I think I lost that video file before I could get it on YouTube, which is unfortunate.

Another significant moment happened one day in Wind Symphony class. It was towards the end of rehearsal and people where packing up. All the sudden I felt a vocal tic coming on, different than any of them before. I had been ticcing "shhh- shhh-" every so often, but it finally finished itself: "shhhit!" it wasn't loud, and probably sounded like any other explative. I knew it was involuntary though, which is what made it so wierd. Somehow, halfway across the room in the trombone section, my best friend Fletcher heard it and somehow understood the significance. He and I locked eyes across the room - "was that what I thought it was??" his face said. And alas it was - the dreaded coprolalia, the involuntary blurting of socially inappropriate things. Fortunately this episode only lasted about two days. For more, check out the post titled "Coprolalia."

I worked with a psychologist, Dr. Carl Mumpower in Asheville, to learn strategies to reduce the tics. We made up a technique we called "Psychido," a play on the martial art form aikido. In aikdido, the idea is to use the opponents energy to bring him down using as little force as possible. I learned how to relax and ignore the tics; I let them flow freely through my mind without actually being expressed. Once I learned this, I soon found that the vocal tics were fairly easy for me to control the vocal tics and greatly reduce the physical tics. Now I don't have to consciously think about it as much, the psychido comes somewhat naturally.

Life moved on and I started heading towards college. I began meeting other Touretters online, like Catherine, Faith, and Jimmy "Tyrannasaurus Rets." Each of us at different stages of our lives and in different parts of the world (US and UK), I felt a connection to each of them. We could talk about our experiences, and yet at the same time it wasn't perfect. All of us had differenct experiences with their Tourette's which affected how each felt towards it. I noticed very quickly that I had a very optimistic outlook on things since I had developed it after I had already settled into my high school social life and personality.

When I went to college I was able to get a single room as a disability accomodation. The logic was that I need a place to go and be able to relieve tics or stress without the worry of a roommate, or to keep him awake at night twitching (even though I don't twitch in my sleep). The plan was admittedly half legit and half a plot to not have to deal with a roommate, but there were a few nights where I got so stressed out and twitchy that having a roommate would have been bad. In that case, I guess it was worth it!

My father does public speaking on ethics part time, and he encouraged me to think about speaking publicly about having Tourette's. I liked the idea, but never really had any place to go about it. I thought it would be great if I were able to make jokes about it, jokes from my point of view. Tourette's is the funny disease, because cursing randomly is always funny, right?! I thought that by making real jokes I could educate people and make it fun! My opportunity came knocking with the Carolina Comedy Commission put on their big comedy weekend. They had various comedic events that all led up to a stand up show including Wyatt Cenac, Maria Bamford, and Lewis Black. At the last minute, I saw a sign advertizing a student stand-up competition that weekend. I had missed the deadline for sign ups but I emailed anyway and made it into the line-up. I threw an act together and practiced it in front of my dorm's housekeeper (Joseph) a couple of times, and once in front of some friends. You can see the final result on YouTube under the name Crosa Stands Up. Th next day I saw Lewis Black walking around the campus of UNC. He didn't recognize my face from the competition, but he recognized my tics. Turns out he was there watching the competition. He told me about a movie he saw once about a guy who had Tourette's, even though he "couldn't remember the name of that ffffah-king movie." It meant a lot to me that he reached out like that - and that he watched my comedy bit!

Speaking of friends, I just want to throw in that my friends are SO awesome! They're always supportive of me and (almost) everything I do! A special shout out to Bruce, Josh, Maryam, my PMA brothers, and my [then] girlfriend Charlene. There are tons and tons of people that have helped me over the years, but way too many to name!

Check out Part IV for more. I went back and separated them months later into logical sections, so some comments may be referring to things said in that one!

The Marching Tarheels begin!

Today was the first day of the Marching Tarheels Band camp! It was also my first day as an official trumpet, and it was awesome. Having recently picked up the trumpet it was much more difficult for me than most, but it was exciting. Last year I played on the drum line, but many there were many factors that influenced my decision for trumpet.

One of which is that a lot of the trumpet players are in Phi Mu Alpa Sinfonia, the music fraternity I am a part of. It is very exciting for all of the brothers to be back in town after a long summer without them. After not seeing them all summer, I forgot how significant it was to have so many people around me that I have such a deep connection with. No matter where we may interact on campus, the brothers support each other and mean a lot to each other.

Also, I went to the doctor about a wrist injury that happened a few days ago. I hurt it in my sleep, and after looking at the x rays it looks like it might be broken just a little bit after all. I have to go to orthopedics to get that all figured out - more about that as it comes.

More later - bed now. Goodnight, internet!